Green Fit Lime Coconut

Each time I do a review it’s usually about a single beverage that I’m currently holding.  Well, today’s beverage is from ThirstMonger and this bottle of Green Fit Lime Coconut plainly reads that it’s “6 Functional Drinks in One Bottle”.  Now I’m not completely sure what they mean by that, but if I turn the bottle around I’m told that I’m about to consume the nutritional equivalent of 2 eggs, 10 oranges, 1.5 cups of broccoli, 1/3 of a cup of peas, 2 cups of green tea, and a baby banana.  That’s all well and good as I do like it when a beverage is good for you, but does it taste good?  This is the reason you’re still reading, right? 

The bottle suggests I shake it before opening and looking at the sediment I agree completely.  With its lid wrapped in the same plastic that surrounds the bottle, this is one of the most difficult beverages I’ve ever had to open.  I surely hope the struggle is worth the nectar. 

Well, the aroma that sits atop this bottle of Lime Coconut liquid holds neither of the scents of the previously listed foods.  Instead an odd, somewhat bread/vegetable aroma is what my nose detects.  Something is off here in the smell department.  Hopefully my favorite flavor of lime kicks in when I take my first sip, making me forget about the scent at hand (or nose in this case).

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Twist thinks they should try 1 drink in the bottle before ramping it up to 6.

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO.  Those are the words that my fingers screamed out because my face could not.  What in the hell did I just drink?  Why must I go back and take another sip to tell you how terrible it was?  Each sip starts off like an ok day at work.  The lime flavor is somewhat noticeable, it’s light, it’s fun, it’s hanging out by the copier… but you’re still at work so you’re kinda bummed.  It’s a somewhat sweet taste, but nothing you’d confuse for unhealthy.  For the first few seconds it seems like we’re all gonna be ok with this average beverage… or baverage as I’ll say from here on out.

What follows is the absolute worst aftertaste I've ever experienced in a soda.  You know what; it’s not even an aftertaste.   An aftertaste is what you experience after the beverage has continued on its journey down your throat and you lick your lips a little and get the essence of what you just consumed.  What I’m tasting here is a horrible “halftertaste”.  A halftertaste (Now a term coined by TheSodaJerks) is literally the second half experience of the sip you've taken and the halftertaste of Green Fit Lime Coconut is terrible.  

Pretend you’re out in the desert in need of a cool refreshing drink of water.  The crunch of the sand between your teeth doesn't even bother you anymore as you've been out there for days.  Ahead you see a waterfall and rush your plunge your face into it.  The cool water rushes over your tongue as your teacher calls your name.  “Henry?  Henry?”  Your name is Henry.  “Quit licking the blackboard, Henry.”  You awaken to find yourself erasing the day’s math problems on the blackboard with your tongue.  The chalk fills your mouth making it feel even drier than your recent dream.  That’s what the halftertaste of Green Fit Lime Coconut is like.  Chalky, bitter, and certainly nothing I’m going to continue drinking.  I've probably personally reviewed over 300 of the beverages on this site and that’s the worst taste I've EVER had in a beverage.  At least we got the words “Baverage” and “Halftertaste out of it.  Now, hopefully I’m going to wake up from this and find myself licking the blackboard.

“Wake up, Henry”

“My names not Henry”

~A