Hotlips Cranberry Soda

Sparkling water, cranberry juice, pear juice.  Boom, soda.  Those are the only ingredients in this bottle of HOTLIPS Cranberry Soda.  HOTLIPS is a soda company from the Northwest that I respect more than I could put into words.  Their soda is all natural, and you can usually count the ingredients they use on one hand.  Oh, the ingredient label looks a little different than what I wrote.  Here’s the official ingredient list.  Sparkling water, Stevens + Yellow River Cranberries grown by Seaview Cranberries in Sixes, OR, NW grown pears, concentrated.  There you have it… it’s basically what I said just a bit fancier.  Sadly it doesn’t say “Boom, soda!” afterwards; I really think that would drive the point home.    Once I told my wife what was in this soda she immediately wanted to try it, and she is very much NOT a soda person.    Enough of this chatter, I want to try this post haste.

Guess what I smell when I opened it… cranberries and pear.  I’m guessing they use the pear as the sweetening agent since cranberries aren’t particularly known for being sugary.  I smell the pear a bit more than I thought I would, but I think the strength of the cranberry’s flavor will compensate just fine.  I think I’ll hand the bottle to Wife so that she might give her own shortened review.  Here it is.

Wife:  “It punches me in the face with a cranberry fist, and the soda art is unimpressive.  It tastes like fermented cranberry wine.  DISLIKE!”

Well with her disliking it I’m kind of curious as to how this will taste to me.  Here goes something… probably a paragraph on how I think it tastes.

There is no way to mistake this flavor.   You are most certainly drinking a cranberry soda as the pear has all but vanished, muting the would-be super-tartness of the cranberry.  I want to take this time to say that when I typed the word “super-tartness” I thought of a Super Tart, perhaps some sort of promiscuous English Super Heroine.  I will say that the initial flavor my mouth is welcomed to isn’t my favorite, but once the ingestion process furthers my taste buds become awash with cranberry goodness.  HOTLIPS Cranberry Soda is something I could see serving this with the family meal.  I’m sure it’s a natural connection but I’d really like to try this with my Thanksgiving Dinner… sadly I can’t purchase HOTLIPS in my area.  I’m not tasting the fermented flavor Wife did, but that’s not to say it’s not there.  She could have been speaking about that initial taste that I noted my dislike for earlier.  Overall I’m impressed once again with HOTLIPS and what they’re able to do with so few ingredients.  The only flavor of theirs I have left to try is Cherry, and I dream for the day I get to.  This is a tasty soda, but may not be for everyone due to the strength of the cranberry flavoring (a good thing in my opinion).  Bring some over to your family/friend’s house next time you’re having a real deal sit down meal.

~A

Faux Fact: The lips used for their logo are actually Twist's.

Jones Soda Orange & Cream

Another Jones flavor I probably should have tasted years ago is the victim today, to be more specific the flavor at hand is Orange & Cream Soda.  Orange & Cream is a flavor I’ve liked in the past so I can only assume that I’ll like it in this instance as well.  For those of you wondering who can’t see the picture under the article, which should be none of you, this label of Jones Soda has one of those merry-go-rounds you’d find on a playground.  I was that kid who liked the effects of getting dizzy a bit too much, so naturally I loved these whirl-a-ma-gigs.  Hopefully this Jones Orange & Cream Soda won’t make me as nauseous as a spin-a-ka-doodle in the park, but there’s only one way to find out.

It certainly does smell both orange and creamy so I guess we can say the flavor is truth up to this point.  The orange aroma is slightly stronger than the creamy, but I think the flavor will prove otherwise… or at least I hope it does.  Another odd flavor wafts from the top of this bottle, and maybe it’s just me here, but it smells a bit like stewed baby carrots.  I’ve had this “problem” before in sodas where I could taste cooked baby carrots (something I’m not fond of) so this may just be a mental issue of some sort.  Nevertheless, I must truck on regardless!

First off, upon drinking Jones Orange & Cream soda I do get a slight baby carrot taste.  This taste is nothing compared to the one I first tasted in Blue Sky’s Dr. Becker, so it won’t be considered the lone downfall of this beverage.  Secondly, this is one of the least creamy sodas I’ve had that included the words “CREAM SODA” in its flavor description.  This mostly tastes of orange which I understand since it’s the primary flavor of the soda, but it could be improved so very much if it were considerably smoother.  Each sip I take in leaves me with an aftertaste I’m not thrilled with as well.  The carbonation plays a larger role than I’d like, taking away from even initially taking away from what could be a decent orange flavor.  This is the point in the review where I tell you how surprised I am at how little this is blowing me away.  Where Jones Green Apple is a torrential hurricane, Jones Orange & Cream would sadden a kite flyer of any age.  I thought about giving this a lower rating, but my opinion of Jones Orange & Cream at this point is very much “meh”.  Not negative mind you, just… meh.

~A

Twist is creamier than this.

IZZE Sparkling Peach

Video Review from February 28, 2020.

Original written review below from September 19, 2011

I think we’ve reviewed threepeachsodas on this website over the last 3 years.  That puts our peach soda drinking rate at about one year.  Friend, that’s just too darn long in between peach sodas.  Hopefully this bottle of IZZE Sparkling Peach will be worth the break in custom and satisfy my thirst.  You see our air conditioner is on the fritz and I could really use a good soda right about now.  Here’s hoping IZZE, which is a brand we’ve tested before, will help me out in my time of need.  Drink on!

Peach is one of those flavors that surprises and delights me every time I smell it coming out the top of a bottle.  I guess it surprises me because I just don’t immediately think of “peach” as being a soda flavor.  Grape, orange, and cherry… sure, but peach?  IZZE Sparkling Peach produces a very peach-ful aroma that fills your nostrils with ease.  Wonder why they never used that in the ad campaign?  IZZE Peach – The Aroma that Fills Your Nostrils!

Upon tasting the peach flavor goes through three stages.  Your mouth’s initial affair with IZZE Peach never really reaches its full peach-tential.  The white grape and apple juices used to help flavor the beverage are what stand out at first.  Stage 2 of this journey is where Apple and Grape meet Peach at a crossroads.  I don’t know if you’ve ever played the game Princess Tomato in the Salad Kingdom, but I picture that meeting to be in the art styling of said NES game.  Look it up, I DARE YOU!  You don’t have to play it, I didn’t… for long.  Never was an RPG’er sad to say.  I’ve beaten ChronoTrigger, FFVII, and Suikoden 2, but that was because I felt I owed it to myself, and my wife to do so.  Where were we?  Oh yeah… PART THREE, Three, three.  AS the flavor sets in your mouth for a while the actual peach juice they used to flavor this makes itself known.  It honestly tastes like you just had a bite of peach until stage 3 fades away forever allowing your mouth to enjoy other tasty food/drink items.  The carbonation isn’t all that strong, but it does add to the minimal bite that IZZE Sparkling Peach produces.  With all that said I wish there was more of a pronounced peach flavor throughout the beverage.  The natural ingredients help boost the rating a notch, but I’m still on the lookout for a top notch peach soda.

~A

Twist is both "peachy" and "keen"

Vignette Wine Country Soda - Pinot Noir

Wine soda.  That’s what this is, and I’m not scared to admit that I’m very skeptical about this review.  I don’t like wine, or most alcoholic drinks for that matter.  This bottle of Vignette Wine Country Soda – Pinot Noir assures me that it is in fact non-alcoholic.  Something tells me that even though this is non-alcoholic the chances of me liking it are slim to nil.  I will say that it does have a lovely color, and a very simple woodsy label that any wine aficionado would be pleased to see.  The ingredients are another high point of this soda, listing filtered carbonated water, Pinot Noir grape juice concentrate, citric acid, and natural flavor as the culprits creating this soda.  With all that said, let’s pop the cork (sadly there is no cork) and see what kind of bouquet Vignette Pinot Noir has to offer.

Ah, it’s a twist cap… how refined.  With my one good nostril (I’m a bit stuffed up at the moment) I get the scent of grape juice.  I’m pleased with this smell as I’m a fan of grape juice.  If Vignette could have any redeeming value it would be that it tastes like a fun grape juice soda.  Still though, I’m doubtful that they made this to be “fun” as the bottle takes itself way too seriously.  It’s now time to take the drink for the thirst that is yet to come.

Alright, I’m good with this.  The easiest way to put it is to say that it’s sparkling grape juice.  I’m sure if I had a more refined palate I could tell you how strong the flavor of the Pinot Noir grapes were… but they just taste like grapes to me.  This isn’t an overly sweet soda as I didn’t see any additional sugars added to the grape juice they used to make it.  It starts off a little bitter as wine might, but where that flavor might linger in your mouth a while with wine it escapes quite cleanly with Vignette Pinot Noir.  The carbonation is obviously there but it’s not distracting in any way.  I don’t know if it’s because I figured I’d hate this when I first bought it but I’ve been pleasantly surprised by Vignette Pinot Noir.  This isn’t something I’d keep my fridge stocked full of, but I might buy some for a party and see how people like it.  The overly simplified bottom line is this, if you like grape juice and bubbles you’ll probably like Vignette Wine Country Soda – Pinot Noir. 

~A

Twist is the originator of ANYTHING you've heard on the grapevine.

Jones Soda Fufu Berry

I ask this question a lot, or at least a version of this question.  “Why don’t we review more *insert soda brand here*?”  Today the soda brand in question is Jones soda.  Why don’t we review more Jones soda when they’ve proven time and time again that they make a solid product.  Well it’s actually a liquid, but a Jones Popsicle would be most delicious. The flavor of Jones I have in front of me is titled Fufu Berry Soda.  I’ve looked all over the bottle to see if there was any kind of hint as to what Fufu Berry might taste like.  The back of the bottle just told me “artificial flavors” while the front of the bottle sported a humorous picture of a dog sitting halfway off a chair.  The color is a warm and rosy pink, also alluding to the fact that numerous berry flavors will be experienced.  You know about Jones the company so I won’t go into that.  If you do need more info I’m always good for an e-mailed question… 70% of the time.  Open says me!

Upon opening I immediately want my wife to start wearing Jones Fufu Berry as a fragrance.  So if you could please get on that Jones Soda Co.  This smells wonderful!  I get hints of raspberry, strawberry, maybe some lavender in there.  Seriously this is a very versatile aroma… I want to bathe in this.  Before I spend waaaaay to much money on bath water I should find out if it tastes good enough to drink instead.

I like it!  I said that in such a simple way because Jones Fufu Berry seems to be about on par with a simple pleasure.  This is a fun drink that tastes like a wonderful candy but isn’t overly sweet.  Oddly enough if you just pour it in your mouth with no swishes at all the flavor seems to hold back, waiting on your mouth to make the first move.  Your tongue is tickled with a generous amount of light carbonation, as your taste buds begin to truly explore the Fufu Berry flavor.  Once again I taste the raspberry most of all with what I can only imagine is the strawberry following close behind.  I’ll be honest though, it’s rather difficult for me to separate all the different berry flavors they may have used, artificial flavors or not.  During the middle of its performance the Fufu Berry gives your mouth a kick like you might expect out of a fruit punch.  As much as I enjoyed it Jones Fufu Berry Soda isn’t something I see myself drinking a lot of.  This is a party drink to me for those of your friends that don’t drink alcohol, or who just prefer fun soda.  The fragrance I first experienced did indeed win out over the taste which is a shame, but I honestly don’t know how the taste could have beaten that amazing bouquet.  With all that said, written actually, this is a really fun drink to have/serve/enjoy.  I do suggest you find some Fufu Berry and share it with your friends.

~A

The dog on the label was initially facing forward, but Twist intimidated him too much.

IZZE Sparkling Clementine

As much as we liked the IZZE brand when we first started this site, we sure haven’t reviewed many of their flavors.  I’m going to correct this action by reviewing on right this second.  IZZE Sparkling Clementine is up to bat and I have a feeling it’ll do just fine.  You see, IZZE is an all-natural soda composed of fruit juice (apple, white grape, orange, and clementine) and sparkling water.  In this case they also have some Citric Acid, Gum Arabic, and Beta Carotene (for color), but something tells me the flavor is still going to be fantastic.  I love clementine oranges due to their flavor, tiny size, and easy peel-ability.  With all that said, I think it’s about time to open the bottle.

This smells a lot like orange juice which shouldn’t be surprising as orange juice is one of the ingredients.  I just figured I would have the sweeter clementine aroma greet my olfactory glands when I opened this bottle.  Hopefully this won’t taste like carbonated OJ as I’ve had that before and I’m looking for something a little different.

The initial flavor attacked my tongue in such a way that I wasn’t sure what to think.  It reminds me a lot of what orange punch would taste like.  I think I’m mostly tasting the orange and white grape juice here and that’s confusing my mouth just a bit.  The carbonation level of IZZE Sparkling Clementine is fairly low, comprised of tiny bursts of tingle that last throughout the drinking experience.  Tingle(s) are actually measured in bursts, I’m not sure if you knew that so I figured now would be the best time to tell you.  I really wanted this drink to be sweeter… like a clementine.  The orange/white grape juice is too overpowering for the clementine juice to be fully appreciated.  Looking back at the label I see that this bottle of IZZE is equal to two servings of fruit based on the USDA’s Dietary Guidelines, impressive!  While I like everything IZZE is about I feel they missed the boat a little on their Sparkling Clementine beverage.  If they could mute the citrusy orange flavor a bit and raise the sweet clementine flavor this would be an outstanding soda.  Until that happens (and unless they read my reviews and take my advice like I actually know something… which I doubt they will) I’m going to have rate this lower than I’d like. 

~A

Faux Fact:  The IZZE logo is based off of Twist's inner child.

Fentimans Rose Lemonade

Ever been caught serving your guests lemonade WITHOUT roses?  Well never be embarrassed again with Fentimans Traditional Rose Lemonade.  Frentimans Traditional Rose Lemonade comes in the classically stylish standard Fentimans bottle, multiple dog heads included!  Each and every bottle of Fentimans is jam-packed, not with jam silly, but with the following ingredients:  Carbonated water, lemon juice concentrate, cane sugar, glucose syrup, fermented ginger root extracts, pear juice concentrate, lemon flavoring, citric acid, tantaric acid, natural color, and rose oil!  Wait there’s more!  If you like sediment then Fentimans Rose Lemonade is for you!  There’s so much sediment in there I’m getting SEDI-MENTAL!  Seriously folks you need to be aware of this product.  Let’s take a call and see what they think of Fentimans Rose Lemonade.  Caller, go ahead!

Justin Casey Falls - “After I done opened it I stuck my schnozz down in that bottle hole and smelled up something mighty powerful.  I reckon if I had to describe it like one of them high paid reviewers I’d say that it was like a lemon that been mixed with them thar chemicals you use to clean yer house.”

Thank you caller.  Well folks it’s the moment you’ve all been waiting for… the taste test.  We’ve selected seven children to tell us what they think of Fentimans Rose Lemonade.  Take it away kids!

Morton – My tongue feels all sour after drinking it.

Larry – The little bubbles tickled my mouth… I wish it tickled my mouth more.  Why are you laughing?

Roy – I thought this drink would be all chewy but I haven’t chewed a bit.

Lemmy – The more I drink it the better it gets!

Wendy – Are you sure this isn’t a drink for adults?

Ludwig – I like no-rose lemonade better.

Iggy - While the initial sour blast takes over your mouth it quickly allows the other flavors to make their presence known.  Each sip allows your palate to become more accustomed to the tartness this lemonade brings, and while it is most certainly different from normal lemonade I really wouldn’t mind trying this again.  It’s quite unique.

There you have it folks the kids have spoken!  If I’d just heard testimonials like that I think I’d pick up the phone and…

~A

Faux Fact - Twist used to the operator of a 1-900 number

Mello Yello

As many of you know I’m from Texas, and I’m just mad about Saffron.  This is an important fact to consider for the review today.  You see, I’m reviewing Mello Yello.  Mello Yello is a very mainstream brand and many of you may be wondering why I’m just now picking up a can to review.  So why have I, Aaron the Texan, decided that Mello Yello was important enough to review?  For whatever reason, Mello Yello has been nearly impossible to find in Texas for several years now.  It’s almost like Coke just kind of gave up on ever taking the market back from Mountain Dew.  I’m sure bringing it “back” to Texas was just a move that was fueled by money, but part of me thinks that SunDrop’s rise to national distribution might have had to do something with it as well.  For those of you not in the “kno”, Mello Yello is Coke’s version of Mountain Dew.  That’s the easiest way to explain what they were trying to go for when Coke created it.  It’s made with chemicals, orange juice concentrate, and now sits in a snazzy looking retro can in front of me.  I do love the can art by the way.  If there is one thing that Mello Yello has already beaten Mountain Dew and SunDrop on… it’s the can art.  So very simple, so very classic in styling, so very yello.  I mean, yellow.  I think it’s time to get this review started… quite rightly.

At first whiff Mello Yello puts off a scent more akin to Sprite than that of Mountain Dew.  However when I give it the old college try and breathe in a bit more the familiar scent of mixed citrus is what prevails.  Let’s see how well they compare in flavor.

Oh this will be easy!  Mello Yello is watered down Mountain Dew.  See ya next week folks!

~A

Ok, so maybe I should expound on this statement a little first.  If SunDrop or Mountain Dew didn’t exist then Mello Yello would be fantastic.  The fact that they do though makes you immediately compare each to another allowing us to not settle for a lesser soda which in this case is Mello Yello.  With each sip of Mello Yello you experience a rather flavorless journey until you near the end of it.  It’s almost as if they tried too hard to be refreshing and in doing so lost anything unique and fun about their beverage.  Only at the end of each gulp/sip/drink do you get the hit of citrus you probably expected since the beginning.  In the “Points For” category, I can identify several of the citrus flavors they used in making this, but the flavor overall is still a disappointment.  The carbonation works well with the flavor it’s given, but I honestly don’t care at this point. 

If any of you think I’m being too harsh on Mello Yello then know it’s with great sorrow that I do so.  One of my favorite advertising campaigns was that of Mello Yello.  Jim Varney, better known as Ernest P. Worrell, is still to this day only one of three celebrity deaths I’ve actually been saddened by in my time on Earth.  Sure the Ernest movies became overly stupid as they continued on, but the man made me laugh as a child and now as an adult.  During that time that he was making people laugh he was a spokesman for the “Make the Mello Yello Move” campaign.  To this day I can watch these commercials and enjoy them to the same degree I did as a child, if not more so.  I want to like this drink.  Ernest liked this drink, or was at least paid to.  I’m going to watch a couple of these ads, three of them actually, and see if it doesn’t improve upon my opinion of Mello Yello.  Be right back! 

Sigh….not even the great Jim Varney could sway my vote, and now  I’m more depressed than ever.  Back to the review.

Like I noted earlier the can art is awesome.  The can art hands down beats the competitors.  Let’s me focus on the can art for a moment and hopefully that will get me out of this funk.  The design on this Mello Yello can seems to harken back to simpler times.  Simpler Times, when a Peanut Farmer was President, when a stamp cost you 15 cents, and when a gallon of gas was under a dollar.  Guess what?  I wasn’t alive back then so the retro can is unable to work its magics on me.  Mello Yello is watered down Mountain Dew.  KnowwhatImean?

~A

I'll probably be snuffed out for telling you this, but it's too important not to.  Twist. Is. Vern.

MTN Dew Voltage

At the time I bought this bottle of Mtn Dew Voltage I was running out of drinks… I still am but that’s beside the point.  I’ve never really been into the whole crazy Mtn Dew flavors thing, but I respect what they’re doing.  What caught my attention to this bottle of Mtn Dew Voltage (which this point on will be called simply “Voltage”) was the fact that it contains Ginseng.  Voltage immediately starts to slide down the grading scale with the words “Charged with Raspberry Citrus Flavor…” on the side.  First off this drink is blue and a primary flavor is Raspberry.  I dislike the idea of blue raspberry anything.  Secondly what is a “Raspberry Citrus” flavor?  To find that out I guess I actually have to consume it.  Alright then.  Here we go!

Voltage smells as if you crushed up a bunch of blue raspberry SweeTarts and mixed it with the appropriate ratio of water.  Needless to say I’m not impressed.  I will say that the lightning bolt on the side of the bottle keeps catching my eye though.  So much power.  So much responsibility.  Let’s see if this will live up to its responsibility like Spiderman or fail miserably like Spiderman 3.

Rushed Venom, Emo-Peter Parker, and Kirsten Dunst as Mary Jane… that’s what ran through my head as I finished taking that sip.  So much disappointment.  Voltage hit’s your mouth with a small shock of carbonation leading up to a taste that can only be described as chemical.  I’m sure there are other descriptive terms I could have used but I had to say there wasn’t for dramatic effect.  The blue raspberry fights with the ginseng on who will be the most prominent flavor while Citrus sits in the corner shouting.  Ultimately my mouth declares them all losers and tries to drink its problems away only finding that the nearest drink is more Voltage.  Such a vicious cycle.  This is the first Mtn Dew beverage that tastes like a mediocre to bad energy drink.  I like original Mtn Dew (although Sun Drop is better), I like Code Red, and I like Pitch Black, but this is not worth finishing.  The only reason I’m not going to rate this Do Not Buy is because I could actually finish it if I wanted to.  WHY DID I JUST TAKE ANOTHER SIP?!  WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?!

~A

Oddly enough if Twist puts his tongue to it, the bottle will be shocked.

Fresh Choices Grape Soda

Gas station soda.  That’s pretty much what you can call Fresh Choices Grape Soda since the Fresh Choices brand is made for Valero Gas Stations.  As you may already know I love cheap grape sodas.  I feel that the cheaper the soda the better chance that it will be absolutely delicious, therefore I couldn’t pass this bottle up.  Its chock full of chemicals and has a logo that would make any design firm in the early 90’s swoon with excitement.  Let’s take it out for a spin.

Oh man, that is some cheap smelling grape soda.  It has such an artificial aroma that I can hardly wait to try it.  It has a very similar smell to Dimetapp which could either excite you even more about trying it, or keep you far, far away.  For me it’s the former.  Time to take my medicine.

Aaaaand disappointment.  One of the reasons I usually like cheap grape soda is the fact that it has such a strong bite.  For all practical purposes I just chugged a good amount of Fresh Choices Grape Soda and not even the hint of a burn crept into my mouth.  This tastes exactly like you would expect it… a generic grape soda.  It has approximately the same amount of sweetness that any sort of grape flavored candy might have, so it’s fairly sweet.  The grape flavoring is very, very artificial in flavor, but why wouldn’t it be when it says “artificial flavor” right on the side of the bottle.  I do kind of wish that grapes tasted like this, or at least a particular strand of grapes.  The mouth feel is somewhat syrupy, and building on itself,  since they went the chemical route in their production.   Overall it’s a very average beverage and shall be rated accordingly.  On another note, Average Beverage seems like a good name for a band.

~A

Nothing says delicious grape soda like... Grape Soda.

Topo Sabores Apple

Who doesn’t love apple soda… well besides Johnny Appleseed of course?  I always figured being around all those apples would eventually make him sick of them.  Sure he helped shape America with all he did involving apples, but I bet he only ate them to keep up his image.  Fortunately Johnny “Appleseed” Chapman isn’t here to review this Topo Sabores Apple soda.  Also fortunately… is not a proper way to start a sentence but… also fortunately I am here to review this bottle of Topo Sabores Apple Soda.  As you might be able to tell by the name, Topo Sabores hails from Mexico and uses delicious cane sugar as a sweetener as well as HFCS just to confuse us.  We’ve done a few of their drinks before so I’ll just add a link here… and maybe here.  Let’s all read about me smelling this soda now. Pop Pop!

The scent coming out of the neck of this bottle is definitely that of an apple, but I will say that it’s also a bit more subtle than I expected.  At first it smells like apple juice only to have the scent change to sweet soda at the last second, almost fooling you into thinking it was healthy.  Drink time.

Very nice.  Very nice indeed.  This apple soda even tastes a bit like apple juice even though the bottle lists no such ingredient.  With each sip I’m greeted with a touch of spice, much like you would experience in eggnog.  Before my mind gets a chance to think too hard on eggnog soda the spice quickly dissipates into a mildly carbonated apple juice flavored soda.  The aftertaste reminds me of a red apple/green apple hybrid.  It is sweet and tart at the same time and lasts considerably longer than any of the other tastes you’ll experience.  As much as I like Topo Sabores Apple Soda it doesn’t actually “wow” me.  This is an above average soda, and I will suggest you buy multiples, but it’s lacking a special something that would set it apart from being slightly above average.

~A

One day Twist will be on a bottle of soda.

Thomas Kemper Black Cherry

Not too long ago my mother and step-father gave me a bottle of Thomas Kemper Black Cherry Soda.  Apparently they bought it from a nifty little shop in Rockwall, TX (near Dallas) called The Candy Jar Malt Shop which I have now conveniently linked.  We all know Thomas Kemper makes great stuff... well if you read the site for any amount of time you know that.  If you didn’t know that then you should probably read more of the site and tell all of your friends to do the same.  Your friends will then tell all of their friends and eventually we’ll become the only multi-billion dollar soda review site in the world.  To make a non-existent story short I’m happy I’m about to review a Thomas Kemper product!  I’m thirsty so I think I’m just going to go to the review portion now.

Thomas Kemper Black Cherry does indeed smell like black cherry soda… flavored cough syrup.  While cough syrups sometimes have a wonderful taste I’m still a bit worried about the story my ol’ nose just told.  Drinky drink time!

Cough syrup this is not.  Thomas Kemper Black Cherry soda has a robust flavor all the way through your drinking experience.  The initial taste is crisp and hits your tongue screaming “BLACK CHERRY!” at the top of its imaginary lungs.  After the initial crisp hit of black cherry the flavor doesn’t even back down for a second.  For the entirety of its duration in your mouth you are made very aware of the fact that you are consuming a black cherry soda.  The flavor could be more powerful, but it would honestly be too much for most people to enjoy if it was.  So far the only downside I’ve noticed is that the aftertaste is a little syrupy but I’m sure that has to do with their use of honey.  The carbonation is fairly high but once again works very well with the whole experience.  I’ve now finished my bottle before finishing my review… that’s both a good sign and something that rarely ever happens.  Overall, Thomas Kemper Black Cherry is a very fizzy black cherry soda with the slightest taste of honey.  You should be able to open a bottle of black cherry soda and pretty much predict what you’re about to taste.  Thomas Kemper Black Cherry doesn’t disappoint in the slightest putting IBC Black Cherry now at 2nd place on my black cherry soda list.

~A

Twist can make black cherries appear at will.

Maine Root Lemon Lime

Ok, I may discredit myself as a soda review by saying this but… lemon lime soda is boring.  Wait, wait, wait!  Don’t leave just yet; let me explain.  A good lime soda isn’t boring, in fact it’s one of my most coveted sodas.  A good lemon soda… well I haven’t really had one to write home about yet, but it’d be unique.  Lemon Lime soda though… well in my opinion has the biggest chance to be a very boring soda.  It’s so overdone and the flavor is never anything spectacular.  Sure I love 7up, but I’m not going to shove a bottle into your hand unless I find out you’re sick.  Sure I tolerate Sierra Mist, but I’m not going to force you to drink it unless you want the clear carbonated liquid from Taco Bell.  Sure I don’t really like Sprite.  Wait for it… nothing.  So today I’m giving Maine Root (a highly ranked soda company by our standards) a chance with their Maine Root Lemon Lime Soda.  Already looking through the bottle I can tell you that this has a ridiculous amount of sediment.  I’m looking at pieces so large I could literally chew them.  Already Maine Root Lemon Lime Soda has taken a turn for the unique, a place few lemon lime sodas ever go.  Let’s smell it shall we?

My nostrils greet a familiar smell.  This smells like lemon lime Twang.  Now I’m sure I’ve mentioned Twang in a past review but I’m feeling far too lazy to search for it at this moment.  If the word “integer” is a link in this sentence then you’ll know I became un-lazy and found it.  As I was saying the scent coming from this bottle is a very sharp and sour lemon lime aroma.  Honestly I’m excited!  Hopefully here goes something!

Wow this does taste a little like Twang, but without the instant throat fire.  It’s like a super lemon lime soda that allows you to taste the individual lemon and lime flavors.  The carbonation factor works well with the taste and burns you just a little bit more after you’re done with your sip.  I really thought I’d be able to feel the sediment drifting down my gullet on each sip much like I would experience in a Boba tea… or the ill-fated Orbitz.  Since I wrote that last sentence you should easily deduce that I can’t feel the sediment at all.  Hooray for no icky sediment feeling!  All in all this is a great lemon lime soda, and while I wouldn’t say it completely makes my “lemon lime is boring” argument null and void it does a lot for its own cause.

~A

Lemon Lime Iguana Goodness!

Big K Pineapple Passionfruit Soda

I just cleaned up dog vomit so by comparison this soda may get a more amazing rating than it deserves, but who knows it may knock my socks off!  The soda I’ve now mentioned in the same breath as dog vomit is Big K’s Pineapple Passionfruit Soda, another gift from the Santa-esque D. Dub.  Santa gives you things you ask for, whereas D. Dub gives you stuff he thinks you won’t like.  He’s the anti-claus really.  Anywho, this is a chemical filled beverage with a light peach color and a label like you would only expect on a 2 liter bottle of Big K.  To this day I have no idea what a passionfruit is, but I can guess that it’s pretty tasty.  How could it not be tasty when it’s called PASSIONfruit.  The software I’m typing this on really doesn’t like the fact that I keep writing it “Passionfruit” instead of “Passion Fruit”, but I’m only doing so because that’s how it’s written on the jug.  Enough chit chat… let’s do this thang!

Upon huffing said beverage I notice little to no pineapple scent escaping the opening of my Missile Command pint glass.  I’m guessing the scent I’m experiencing is that of the ever quirky Passionfruit, but that’s just a hopeful guess.  Honestly it smells a little “peachy” to me, but that might have everything to do with the color of the beverage.  On to the tasting!

Very nice for a chemical filled soda.  The carbonation visits you throughout the sip, never being the most powerful ingredient until the end.  Again, I’m not tasting a lot of pineapple here but it’s not completely absent.  It’s almost as if right as Pineapple got his pinkie toe in the bottle Peach walked up to him and made fun of his complexion.  Pineapple, now distraught, decided to give up on ever being a part of Big K Pineapple Passionfruit Soda and fell into a deep depression.  Fortunately for him the fine makers of the Dole Whip asked him to be their featured performer and he has been succeeding like gang-busters ever since.  It’s pretty much the exact same thing that happened to Jennifer Hudson.  Meanwhile back in the soda… there is also a bit of a plum flavor present as well.  I notice the plum becoming more involved during the final act of this performance, also known as the aftertaste.  Ok so maybe I don’t know what a passionfruit tastes like but I do know that this tastes like Peach Punch.  Not quite peach, not quite punch, add some carbonation and other flavors and there you have it… Peach Punch!  Quickly!  To the patent board! 

~A

Faux Fact:  The "glass pineapple" seen in this picture is the actual type of pineapple used in this soda.

Big K Watermelon Kiwi

I hate watermelon and I hate kiwi.  So why am I drinking this anti-freeze colored liquid with the name of Big K Watermelon Kiwi?  One Mr. Dan Dub has kindly brought this delightful combination of flavors to my attention… in two full liters mind you!  Seeing as I will drink any soda anyone brings me here goes.  Here I go down this misguided path.  It’s like walking down a well-lit alley, looking at the mugger at the end as you flip your wallet from hand to hand.  Maybe drinking this out of an Atari pint glass will help with my soon to be sadness.  Awwww… my Centipede glass is dirty so I have to go with Tempest.  Ah well… time for a whiff.

Yup.  That’s definitely the smell of chemicals made to smell like watermelon/kiwi.  I really don’t want to smell this again just to write another sentence about it so we’re going to move on.

Ok… so I’m not dead or vomiting.  This seems to be a perk of the fact that this doesn’t actually have any watermelon or kiwi in it.  Chemicals for the win!  In fact the watermelon flavoring is quite subtle and I honestly couldn’t tell you what a kiwi tasted like anymore.  I just remember having a horrible experience with one as a child never to eat one again.  Big K Watermelon Kiwi starts off smooth with that subtle taste I spoke of earlier.  Once you actually go into the act of ingesting it though a shock of carbonation hits the back of your throat and the flavor intensifies a bit more before dissolving into a ghost of its former self.  While I will end up finishing the two liter (not out of love but out of not wasting a two liter) the best thing about Big K Watermelon Kiwi is its color.  It’s a muted florescent green that would stand out in any soda lineup.  Honestly I don’t hate this soda nor would I put it on any top 10 lists.  I would however suggest that someone use it in a punch of some kind.  Something tells me that this would work 100% better as a supporting player instead of the lead.  Well my Tempest glass is now empty and I don’t feel like going back downstairs to fill it back up thus lengthening this review. 

~A

Faux FAct:  Twist's blood is actual anti-freeze

MTN Dew Pitch Black

   So apparently being a soda reviewer I’m supposed to review this limited edition Mountain Dew Pitch Black.  As I understand this beverage has quite the following and it seems that it’s high time that I jump on the bandwagon.  Back in 2005 I tried to jump on the pseudo-bandwagon when Pitch Black 2 came out.  I feigned all of the excitement one might have seen since I never got the chance to try the original.  Pitch Black 2 was alright but nothing cult worthy to me so I figured that the original must have been heads and tails above its sequel.  If only I had some sort of way I could travel back to 2004 and give the original a try.  Well looky here!  Thanks to Mountain Dew… or should I say Mtn Dew (I will never say “Mtn Dew” again in this review because it’s asinine) I can now experience what I originally missed all without the help of a Delorian… which of course is points against.  The label is a very extreme purple matching the color of the beverage itself.  I really wish I had a black light to see if this bottle could truly be fantastical.  Ah well, time for a whiff.

   Ok… so that’s not quite what I was expecting.  The scent I was greeted with was that of citrus and grape… heavy on the grape fortunately.  Based on scent alone this is Mountain Dew with grape flavoring, oddly enough the label clearly states that this is Pitch Black with a BLAST of BLACK GRAPE.  I figured this was Mountain Dew with a blast of black grape but what do I know.  I’m kind of curious what Pitch Black would taste like without its blast of black grape but we’re not here for that today.   What we’re here for is transporting me back to 2004 so that I may experience the apparent amazement that is Mountain Dew Pitch Black… and so we shall.

   Interesting.  This isn’t nearly as EXTREME as I thought it would be but I find that’s working out for the experience thus far.  Instantly I can rank this as a Top 2 Dew for me.  I’m not sure what would come first but this and Code Red are now neck and neck.  Upon the first sip your tongue is immediately met with the knives of a thousand citrus flavored carbonation bubbles.  After the bubbles lay down their arms the grape, apparently black grape, flavor shows itself.  It doesn’t show in an extreme way like your uncle (it’s always a creepy uncle isn’t it?) at the last family gathering though.  Instead, Mountain Dew Pitch Black raises its hand, gets called upon, and casually states that “Yes I’m a Mountain Dew with grape flavoring”.  I realize that Mountain Dew tries to cater to an extreme/gamer/youthful audience but their flavors don’t bring that out in me.  Maybe…maybe I’m old now and just “don’t get it” anymore.  Ah well, if I “don’t get” Mountain Dew’s marketing I’m probably over thinking it.  Why did I go off on that mini-tangent?  Must be time for my old people pills.  Back to the beverage at hand. 

   I’m finding myself really enjoying Pitch Black and wish that I’d been on this train when my love of Mountain Dew was at its peak.  Like I said earlier it’s up there with Code Red in my opinion and I used to be a fiend for Code Red.  One of the strengths of the Mountain Dew brand is that they aren’t afraid to try and create Frankensteinesque sodas that combine the already popular Dew flavor with that of grape, orange, white stuff, etc.  This of course results in the occasional monstrosity but gives people even more reason to buy Dew products.  Pitch Black is good.  I’m good with this.  Of course it’s full of chemicals and that will hurt the score a bit but I can tell you that I’ll be looking for Mountain Dew Pitch Black again next year.  Now… who do I talk to about Surge, Crystal Pepsi, and the original Sprite Re-mix?

~A

Twist, of course, is the only one extreme enough to be that close to the label.

Topo-Sabores Peach

Once upon a time there was a boy who wanted a soda.  Not just any soda mind you but a Topo-Sabores Peach soda to be precise.  You see a lion once told the boy that Topo-Sabores Peach soda was delicious but this lion wasn’t always to be trusted since he always seemed to regard Topo-Sabores products at the highest level.  One day a magical wizard named Abel gave the boy a bottle of the peach concoction under one condition… that he review it and put it up in the town square for all to see.  Of course the boy obliged and ran home with his bottle of Topo-Sabores Peach.  When he finally arrived at his home he gazed in wonder at the cool bottle in his hands.  Glancing over the contents of the bottle he noticed that this contained both cane sugar and some form of black magic called high fructose corn syrup.  Confused he decided he better not think about it too much or he might fall ill.    Quickly he broke the seal hoping to get a whiff of what majesty lay before him.

It was certainly peaches, or at least black magic made to taste like peaches, that populated the inside of this container.  While he hadn’t tasted this bubble nectar just yet his nose wouldn’t lie to him… would it?

Putting the lip of the bottle to his own he tilted it back to finally enjoy what the wizard had given him.  A broad smile crossed his face as the sweet peach soda raced across his tongue quickly being chased off by a horde of bubbles giving the soda a sharp contrasting after taste.  This wasn’t as smooth as he believed it would be, as this wasn’t the boys first peach soda, but he enjoyed it nonetheless.  Out of nowhere a dragon came lumbering along flicking its tongue moving closer and closer to the boy’s soda.  Panicking the boy ran off forgetting the Topo-Sabores behind him.  Looking over his shoulder he saw it was too late for him to save his soda… by the look on the dragon’s face it was to be consumed quickly.  The boy’s mood dropped as he remembered how much he enjoyed the peach flavoring, caused by black magic or not.  “Wait a minute,” the boy said allowed, “if a wizard made this for me shouldn’t it be the best soda I’ve ever had?  I mean he is a wizard and all.  This soda is enjoyable but a wizard should be able to create something out of this world.”  With that the boy walked into town square ready to post his review.  “Where is the soda the wizard gave you?  Wasn’t it most special?  Do you think he could make me one?” a passing peasant pondered.  “It was alright.”  The boy responded.  “Don’t bother asking him to make you one though.  You’re better off buying a bottle.”

Epilogue – As the years passed the boy grew and matured.  He made a lot of friends along the way and did some pretty amazing stuff.  That boy grew up to be Abraham Lincoln.

~A

To this day no one knows what happened to the dragon.  Some say he size was exaggerated, others say he still walks among us.  I guess we'll never know.

Deerfield Concord Grape

   The other day I was frequenting Walgreens because I dislike other pharmacies… not sure why but that’s for another time.  Anyway, I was wandering around Walgreens and checked their soda selection as I so often do.  Normally Walgreens is where I get my Jelly Belly Soda but this time I noticed they had a new flavor of Deerfield Soda… Concord Grape!  Since I hadn’t had a good grape soda in a while I figured Deerfield Concord Grape would fit that bill rather well, being that they tend to make excellent products!  I’ll warn you who haven’t experienced Deerfield Sodas… don’t scoff at this Walgreen’s made soda!  It uses cane sugar and is normally quite the treat!  Let’s open her up!

   Grape just came out of the bottle and smacked me across the face.  I didn’t even get a chance to put my nose near the mouth and I was assaulted with grape aroma.  Taking a now pointless whiff I am once again clearly reminded of what flavor of beverage I’m about to partake in.  This is definitely a top 10 in scent strength of all the sodas I’ve ever tested.  Let’s see if the taste is just as strong.

   The flavor is of course grape and not a weak grape by any means.  It’s more of a smooth grape soda which is a bit off putting to me because I prefer my grape soda with some bite to it.  Drinking this reminds me of the TV show Firefly.  It was a fantastic show and most anyone who sees it will agree with that statement.  Another thing most everyone agrees with is that it was cut short in its run.  That’s the feeling I’m getting with this Deerfield Concord Grape it lacks a solid finish but unlike Firefly it’s actually the fault of the soda not the fault of the show.  Firefly couldn’t help that it was cancelled robbing us of seasons of potential happiness.  Deerfield could have strengthened their soda by adding a bit more carbonation to it… or some sort of finish.  This isn’t to say that it’s not an ok soda… it is but it could have been so much more… so much more… shiny.

~A

Twist ate only grapes from ages 57-102

Barrilitos Tropical Punch

   I haven’t had a lot of tropical/fruit punch flavored sodas which is one reason I’m happy to have this bottle of Barrilitos Tropical Punch flavored soda in front of me.  Another more obvious reason is the fact that it is of course made with cane sugar since it’s from Mexico.  This is my first Barrilitos soda so I really have no idea what to expect.  Hopefully it’ll be close to an experience with a bottle of Jarritos than one of Caballitos.  I don’t really know what the logo is for Barrilitos but I do know that I like it.  It’s a green circle with a nifty design inside of it comprised of white ovals.  It looks very 1960’s space age if you ask me… which you did since you’re reading this.  Other than a nifty green logo and a textured neck this bottle of Barriltios is rather plain but that’s ok because it looks great with its simplistic design.  Time for a breather.

   I’d assume that tropical punch is a mixture of all sorts of flavors and smells but the one that I can smell the most easily is that of tangerine.  There’s an obvious mixture of fruit coming out of the bottle so this should be an interesting taste sensation.

   The flavor isn’t shy, I’ll tell you that much.  While I can’t discern a particular fruit from the taste I can tell you it seems to be a mixture of citrus and something of the plums/nectarines/peaches variety.  This is a very juicy soda… almost like you’re biting into a nicely ripened plum.  Your tongue immediately feels the punch that is listed on the label as soon as you take your first sip.  As long as the soda is in your mouth you are also aware of the carbonation.  It doesn’t so much attack your mouth as it makes its presence known.  Every holiday you have that one uncle that usually comes over and drinks way too much. (I don’t actually have this person in my family myself but stick with me here… pretend we’re a movie family and the analogy will work so much better.)  Anyway they usually drink way too much and make a huge scene.  Telling the kids inappropriate jokes for example.  Insulting the chair, apologizing to the chair, and eventually hugging the chair because he thinks it’s his father.  Putting lipstick on everything in the house that has lips… a mouth… or even just a face (clocks included).   You get the picture.  The carbonation isn’t that version of your movie uncle, the carbonation is that same uncle the year after he sobers up.  You keep your eyes trained on him waiting for him to make a scene but he doesn’t.  Throughout the night you can’t remove your gaze for the fear that you’ll be attacked with lipstick but still nothing happens.  Your uncle has made you very aware of himself but never making the scene he could be capable of making.  THAT is what the carbonation in this drink compares to.  You are very aware of it but not to the point where it’s apologizing to furniture.  With that said this is an above average drink but barely.  It has a nice flavor, a nice fizz, and decent ingredients… go on and treat yourself.

~A

Twist IS that drunk uncle.