Koma Unwind

We air a show where I work called Chris Lafferty’s Motorsports TV.  Now that’s not something you have to remember, except for Hannah’s corner… that’s fairly entertaining.  The important thing about that show is that it is home to a fantastic commercial for the beverage up for review today, Koma Unwind.  I don’t usually put a lot of multimedia in my reviews, but I must share this commercial with you.

Ok, now that you’ve (hopefully) watched it you should be able to see why I was drawn to Koma Unwind.  This is obviously not a big budget commercial and honestly the first time I saw it I thought it was for wine in a can.  Who knows, maybe this will taste like wine in a can.  That would be unfortunate, but at least I would be understanding about it. 

The enduring aspect of the commercial is that we’ve all been there.  You open the door and you’re greeted by your two kids, your dog, a basketball and a skateboard.  In fact this family has three skateboards which seems a bit overboard (pun intended) to me.  You just want to relax, but alas there is no time because now you have to cook dinner.  All you want to do is wind down over a hot stove, but your two daughters come calmly walking in with the dog on a leash.  What can you do except over emphasize the fact that you don’t want them anywhere near you?  You could scream, curse, throw up your hands and just walk away… or you could drink.  That’s what is implied initially, that the average stressed out mother would go straight for the bottle.... AHA!  Herein lies the twist (not the iguana).  You push the bottle out of the way to reveal a room temperature can of Koma Unwind and you pour THAT into your chalice. 

Then with dinner presumably cooking itself on the stove you wander into the living room and just relax.  Your kids, dogs, and presumably their skateboards, have vanished.  You no longer have a care in the world as you’re left with the slogan “RELAX NOW YOU CAN KOMA UNWIND”.  So as you see the commercial is a little cheesy, but I enjoy that “local TV” aspect of advertising.  “Wine in a can”, as I thought at the time, would be a fantastic review.  So I asked the nice people at Koma Unwind if they wouldn’t mind sending a few cans out for review and they happily obliged. 

Koma Unwind is indeed a relaxation beverage that includes the ingredient Melatonin.  Melatonin, as you might know, is a key ingredient in sleep aides.  This also has HFCS and Grape Juice concentrate in it.  Now many of the “relaxation beverages” have names like Purple Stuff and Sippin’ Syrup.  Here is where I must salute Koma Unwind for not trying to pander to the youth of (insert country here) by naming their beverage after an illegal substance.  No, Koma Unwind took the high road and simply named their soda the two words that would describe what it intended to do to you.  Sorry, I must correct myself.  Koma Unwind is listed as a Chillaxation Drink on its own label.  Fun fact, I made up the word “Chillax” close to 15 years ago; unless you’ve heard it prior to then you might as well believe that as well.  Ok, I’ve rambled enough… it’s time for a taste.

The aroma the snapped out of this ice cold can (I didn’t want to try it at room temp) is that of a grape soda.  No one should be surprised by this since the ingredients on the side of the can listed grape juice concentrate as an ingredient.  I am taken a back a bit on how sweet it smells.  I think it lists 31 grams of sugar, but I can’t really tell because the font is a bit fuzzy.  Drinkin’ time!

Well that’s delightful.  Koma Unwind tastes like liquid, carbonated, grape Nerds candy.  The grape flavoring is just about perfect and the carbonation packs a bit of a punch as well.  Well color me surprised.  Koma Unwind is one of the better grape sodas, if it can fit that description, I’ve had to date.  Yes I know that it’s full of chemicals, but if you know me then you know the more “fake” a grape soda is the more I’ll probably like it.  For the most part each sip stands alone, meaning the flavor doesn’t build upon itself.  The aftertaste I get from each gulp, and I am gulping this, is sweet and light.  I think the carbonation level is what surprises me most.  It’s not an intense tingling sensation, but I can feel the whispers of the bubbles in my mouth long after I’ve consumed the beverage.  I think that Koma Unwind did a great job in making a relaxation beverage on multiple fronts.  First and foremost the taste could be that of a “normal” grape soda.  It’s fruity and fun, with good fizz to boot.  Secondly, as I stated before, they didn’t give this drink a name associated with cough syrup.  Finally they have an amusing commercial that I’ve seen over 40 times thanks to work.  Now Koma Unwind isn’t the best relaxation drink we’ve ever reviewed.  That honor would have to go to Mary Jane’s Relaxing Soda… yes, yes, I know, the name thing, but they get away with it for being truly different.

~A

Twist cannot get any more relaxed

Brain Wash

Picture a skull and crossbones staring at you from the label of your potential beverage.  Now picture the top of the skull cracked open exposing the oddly fresh brain inside of it.  That my friend is what is currently staring into my soul on this label of Brain Wash.  Brain Wash is made from the same fine folks that brought us Black Lemonade, one of the harshest beverages my throat ever dealt with.  Just like Black Lemonade, Brain Wash has amusing blurbs on its label like “This may be your only way out!” and “May cause special effects”.  Navy blue isn’t a color you usually associate with soda, but they’ve put enough Blue Dye #1 in this bad boy to reach that level.  It has a lot of the same ingredients that Black Lemonade has with a few exceptions.  Brain Wash sadly uses HFCS instead of Cane Sugar, but on the plus side also uses Sage and Jalapeno Oil.  I’m not sure how the sage will play a role in this performance, but I’m hoping the jalapeno oil is at least noticeable.  Since Brain Wash isn’t exactly a flavor I’m a little curious as to what this will most taste like in the realm of real tastes.  My initial guess is going to be a fruity ginger beverage that’s about to scald the back of my throat through the act of chemical warfare.  Let’s find out, shall we?

The initial odor I’m getting is that of green NyQuil which isn’t what you want to smell when you first open anything… except NyQuil of course.  I will say that the bubbles forming in the neck of the bottle look rather nice when contrasted against the dark blue soda.  Will they keep this from tasting like carbonated NyQuil?  No, but hopefully something else does.

A barrage of pain shoots through my sinuses as the spice/carbonation combination reaches my nose with ease.  With my mouth a bit more acclimated the second sip is much more tame allowing me to properly review this beverage known as Brain Wash.  Right off the bat I can tell you that the jalapeno oil is indeed noticeable as the back of my throat now has a (nice?) continuous burn going.  The flavor of the drink itself is rather vague, honestly it tastes like a generic blueberry soda you might find anywhere.  My brain may have just associated this vague taste with blueberry due to the hue, but it’s all I’ve got to go on right now.  Even though the base flavor itself is vague and unspectacular the experience of drinking Brain Wash is so far one I’ll remember for a long time.  Each sip assaults my mouth in every way possible.  The ginger/jalapeno/capsicum combination proves volatile at first, but calms down a bit once you’re throat learns how to cope.  The strongest of these, as mentioned before, is what I assume to be the jalapeno oil as my throat feels like it would after enjoying a spicy plate of nachos.  While this is very similar to the mouth feel of Black Lemonade I find that Black Lemonade at least had a purpose.  It was a harsh lemonade unlike anything you’d had before.  Brain Wash is a harsh… fruity… blue… drink that in my opinion the gimmick of destroying your mouth becomes nothing more than just that… a gimmick.  It’s not original because Black Lemonade exists.  It’s almost like they said “hey, Black Lemonade is doing ok… how else might we ruin someone’s vocal chords (which of course it does not do)” so they invented Brain Wash because they could.  I need more of a reason than the one I just made up for them to promote this beverage.  If you want a throat conquering soda then purchase Black Lemonade, as for Brain Wash...

~A

Twist mocks you're extreme label with his own extreme...ness?

Big K Root Beer

Quickly… think of your favorite Root Beer.  Did you?  Is it Big K Root Beer?  For those of you who said “yes” then you can refute whatever I’m about to write.  For those of you who answered the negative then just sit back and find out what category I’m about to fall into.  Big K Root Beer is Kroger brand root beer.  For those of you not familiar with Kroger, it’s a super market.  So yes, Big K Root Beer probably won’t be my favorite as very few stores actually try to make a good soda.  I’m pretty sure this won’t be my new favorite root beer, but hopefully this chemical concoction will at least please my taste buds somewhat.  The label even says that they “promise” my whole family will enjoy this or my money back… or a replacement.  I’m kind of curious as to what a proper replacement is of Big K Root Beer.  My imagination is shot for the day so I think I’ll just continue the review.

Big K Root Beer does indeed smell somewhat like a root beer… so… that’s a plus, although there is also something odd about this aroma.  After smelling the somewhat obvious root beer scent the smell just kind of vanishes.  The fragrance (I’m running out of words for ‘smell’) doesn’t seem to be strong enough to maintain a simple inhalation thus frightening me just a bit as to what this will taste like.

Not terrible, not good.  Big K Root Beer is most similar to Barq’s, but without the bite that makes Barq’s slogan so memorable.  The initial mouth fell is very watery and a bit off putting.  As you might expect this is a very generic tasting root beer.  It does have a bit of a licorice flavor to it and just a whisper of wintergreen as well.  Did they actually use these ingredients?  No idea, but the artificial/natural flavors they used somewhat replicate them.  There’s not much else to be said about Big K Root Beer except this.  If you have an extra dollar just buy the Barq’s instead.  While there are better root beers out there than Barq’s at least you’re not rewarding a grocery store for making a less than stellar product… instead you are rewarding the Coca Cola company.  If you want to take a few steps up from that then look no further than these two.

~A

This is Twist's "meh" face

Refreshe - Cherry Cola

It’s time to re-visit the Safeway brand “refreshe” in all its un-capitalized glory.  Today’s flavor of choice is refreshe Cherry Cola, which contains 0% juice.  You know how I know this?  Well it’s stated on the can silly, if that wasn’t printed on here I bet I’d be wondering all day if there was real cherry juice in here.  Sigh… I wish sarcasm had a font because I’d use the heck out of it.  How’s about we use Comic Sans as the official “Sarcasm Font”?   People would like it more if it were used for the benefit of sarcasm wouldn’t they?  I understand that some use Comic Sans ironically, but let’s take it back from the Hipsters and use it for the sarcastic!  Surely a large portion of Hipsters are sarcastic so the lash-back won’t be that great.  So yet another trend is decided on this site.  TheSodaJerks.net:  Setters of trends, and nothing more!  Wait… we also review sodas.  Speaking of… this refreshe Cherry Cola has a very mysterious ingredients list as Natural Flavors are listed alongside HFCS, Coloring agents, and acids.  Let’s just open it up and see what we get.

The scent test proves refreshe Cherry Cola to be more cola than cherry, which is perfectly understandable.  I can discern the cherry scent mind you, but it wasn’t the first thing my nose noticed.  Then again my allergies are kicked up today so there’s that.  DRINK ON!

The first sip is a major disappointment.  The cola taste immediately falls flat and the cherry gets crushed underneath it.  Swishing it around in my mouth I can feel the cola trying with all its might to intrigue me with bursts of carbonation.  “Like me! Like me!” it screams, but once you stop swishing… it quiets down to a whisper.  Every sip I take allows the flavor to build on itself which you might think would help its case.  No, Ma’am.  No, Sir.  While the flavor is becoming more pungent it’s just revealing how weak of a Cherry Cola this really is.  You can almost taste the chemicals, assuming they are since Natural Flavors are all we’re given.  Honestly I hope they are chemicals because if you use real deal ingredients and you make it taste this underwhelming then shame on you.  Fortunately the aftertaste vanishes fairly quickly but you’re left with the caustic feel of refreshe Cherry Cola on your teeth.  It’s holding on to my enamel for dear life, making my teeth more easily grind when I close my mouth.  That’s it.  I’m done.  I could finish this can, but I see no reason to do so.  This is one of the worst attempts at a Cherry Cola, something that should be a treat in any definition, which I have seen in a very long time.

~A

Twist doesn't even realize it's there... that's how flavorless it is.

Refreshe - Lemon Lime

I like generic store brand soda… well, I like the idea of them.  Here’s this soda that a grocery store chain is putting out there.  They are doing this for one of two reasons.  They either want the generic soda at hand to compete and be favored over the mainstream counterpart, or they just want to make a quick buck in the soda game.  Today I’m giving Safeway store brand soda a try once again, but this time around they seem to be a bit more fancy.  Before the can would just say the flavor with a fun graphic now I’m greeted with the word “refreshe”.  I’m pretty sure they used the word “refreshe” (in all lowercase letters mind you… because that’s more hip) to look the part of a snazzy soda.  The flavor, Lemon Lime, is titled on the lower portion of the can in a pop-art blob.  The can itself is green with equally retro looking designs as well.  Just look at the picture.  The tale here is that they’re trying to at least look like an upscale soda while maintaining the price of a generic one.  This refreshe Lemon Lime is sweetened with HFCS and filled with an assortment of other chemicals.  I feel as if I’ve already dedicated too many words to refreshe Lemon Lime, but hopefully it’s about to prove me wrong.

It has about ¾ of the scent 7up does, but I will note that the carbonation is so prevalent that I can easily hear it.  Putting my ear closer I can even hear some larger bubbles getting into the mix.  Drinking time!

Better than expected, but nothing to write home about.  It has a smoother mouth feel than 7up does which makes it kind of forgettable after each sip is finished.  The aftertaste is a bit stickier much like Sprite.  I’ll tell you right now “those of you who haven’t read all 300+ articles” that I dislike Sprite BECAUSE of that very aftertaste.  The flavor itself differs slightly from both as I feel you can taste more of the lime in this than you can in any of the big 3 Lemon/Lime sodas.  It’s not so strong that it sets refreshe Lemon Lime apart from anyone, but I felt it was worth noting so that’s something.  Going back to the first couple of sentences that are written in this review, I’d have to say that this is just Safeway trying to make a buck in the soda biz while trying to look like they’re making a unique beverage at the same time.  If you like Sprite or 7up and don’t want to spend as much on soda then refreshe Lemon Lime is for you.  If you’re looking for a whole ‘nother experience when it comes to the Lemon Lime soda genre, then be prepared for a can full of “meh”.

~A

The extra "e" is for "extra e"

Big Shot - Pineapple Blue Bayou

I just finished serving on a jury.  This is why the reviews haven’t been happening quite as often, there I’ve made my excuse.  While most would think that Jury Duty might be a miserable experience mine was quite the opposite.  I was fortunate enough to spend time with 11 other people who I would consider genuinely great people.  Yes I only spent 4 days with them, but I was impressed by them all… especially the one that gave me the soda I’m reviewing today.  “Juror Number Cool” is what I’ll call her and I must thank her now for giving me this bottle of soda called Big Shot.  The full name of this particular flavor is Big Shot – Pineapple Blue Bayou, so we might be in for some surprise. 

Big Shot is apparently a popular brand in New Orleans, Nawlins, The Big Easy, Crescent City, The City that Care Forgot, Hollywood South, and many other nicknames I didn’t see looking at Wikipedia.  It appears, after doing a bit of research, that their slogan is “Even if you don’t have a million bucks, let’em know you’re a big shot!”  Saddly this is not on the label.  To offset this sadness is the face of Big Shot… insert name here if he actually had one.  The face of Big Shot looks like a combination of W.C. Fields and Charlie Chaplin.  I immediately want merchandise with The Face of Big Shot on it.  Along with said face and name of drink are the flavors of Pineapple Blue Bayou.  I’m about to consume this blue liquid that is the flavor combination of oranges, pineapple, and coconut.  I’m not going to bother listing the ingredients for you as it’s just a bunch of chemicals.  With that said I think I’ve given a somewhat flushed out description of the 24oz bottle at hand.  If my description confused you… well then just look at the picture below, silly goose.  On with the review!

This impossibly blue liquid smells like a combo of fruit stripe gum and orange cream soda.  I’m now happily anticipating my first drink and happy that all the chemicals they put in this bottle didn’t just singe all three of my chest hairs.  On with the fun.

Big Shot – Pineapple Blue Bayou is certainly an assortment of flavors.  The first thing I taste is what seems to be a glimpse into the flavor of orange; this is followed by the sweet tang of pineapple with coconut being your eventual aftertaste.  The coconut flavor hits your palate so very late in the game that if you were to drink this and not write sentences in between each swig I’m not sure you’d get to experience it.  Coconut is the guy in the race that crosses the finish line after everyone else.  No one is looking for him except his parents, and they’re even averting their eyes somewhat due to his failure at running.  All of these flavors are held together with sweet, sweet, chemicals.  Ok, I’ve made mention of the chemicals three or four times now.  I’m going to redeem this bottle of Big Shot just a smidge by telling you two of the non-chemical ingredients.  Orange juice concentrate, and pineapple juice… there I said it.  While Big Shot – Pineapple Blue Bayou is exactly what your grandparents are referring to when they use the term “sugar water”, it’s not completely full of chemicals.  While I enjoyed this bottle of BS-PBB (I got tired of typing the full name out so I wrote this even longer sentence explaining the abbreviation, thus making it pointless) it’s not a flavor I have to have.  If I was on my way somewhere, NOLA maybe, and I stopped at a gas station… sure I’d pick up a bottle for the road.  I’m not going to stock my fridge with it though.  That doesn’t mean I’m giving up on the Big Shot line, in fact I’m going to make it a point to try all of their flavors.  Thanks Juror Number Cool!

~A

Faux Fact:  Twist was once a Deputy in New Orleans.

IBC Root Beer

Let me start this review off by saying I’m gonna do my best not to be biased reviewing IBC Root Beer.  Much like IBC Black Cherry (which I was going to link there until I realized I’ve never reviewed it) I have an emotional tie to IBC Root Beer. 

Every time I go to visit my grandmother, about a 3 hour trip, for the ride home she always packs me an IBC Root Beer.  When I say pack I don’t mean she puts it in a bag and hands it to me, oh no; she wraps it in a paper towel for the initial layer, then wraps the bottle in foil to preserve its frosty feel, finally she places it in a plastic grocery bag and wraps that around the bottle several times until the bag is almost like a form fitting garment.  I can only imagine that this last step is for cushioning, but it doesn’t matter because it’s created a great memory for me over the last several years. 

To add onto this fond memory of IBC Root Beer I have to go back even further into my life back when I was about ten years old.  My mom used to drink Diet Sprite all the time, not like an addict or anything but enough that we were fully stocked most any day.  Since Diet Sprite isn’t exactly a “treat” for your average 10 year old she started purchasing IBC Root Beer for us as well.  I’d never seen anything like it, the bottle was so cool.  I’d never had a drink out of a glass bottle before, it was so mature, almost like a beer… but I was allowed to drink it.  I guess you could say that IBC Root Beer was my first jaunt into the world of non-mainstream sodas.  Fast forward 20 years and you have me sitting here today still excited to drink one for all the above reasons.  It’s like every bottle of IBC Root Beer is a fond memory for me, and I felt I had to tell you all that in case you saw some sort of bias.  I’m going to do my best though.  On with the review! 

IBC Root Beer is a root beer made with HFCS which already sets it back in the “Root Beer Game”.  Upon writing that sentence I immediately want to play the “Root Beer Game” whatever that may be.  To follow a negative with a positive we have the bottle design.  I’ve always enjoyed that IBC didn’t have any kind of paper label.  The logo is actually part of the brown glass bottle, as are all of the states you can return this bottle to for a refund.  This creates a unique look in a market that’s inundated with paper labels trying their best to look old fashioned.  It’s time for me to twist off that fancy red bottle cap that I’ve removed hundreds of times before.

I always enjoy the vapor that a bottle sometimes releases when you first open it.  Something about it adds to the chill factor of the beverage at hand.  Fortunately IBC Root Beer has this visible vapor and the smell that follows is most certainly that of a root beer.  IBC Root Beer doesn’t have a creamy scent like you might find with an A&W.  I’d say that licorice is the strongest scent I perceive with each whiff of the bottle.  If the smell of licorice is off putting to you then let me try this comparison instead.  If you’ve ever eaten a root beer flavored Dum Dum sucker then you’re already familiar with the aroma I’m experiencing here.  On to the drinking!

The root beer flavor of IBC is weaker than others which is surprising for me to find out since I usually drink this with such nostalgia.  Don’t get me wrong it’s not weak to the point of watery but I’ve had stronger root beers.  I will say that with each sip the flavor builds upon itself creating more and more of a root beer experience as you drink it.  Some of that can be contributed to the HFCS they use to sweeten it since the syrupy feel never completely leaves your mouth.  The carbonation level of IBC Root Beer is comparable to the slightest of buzzes on your tongue.  The HFCS starts to work against it about midway through the experience as it begins to make the fact that this isn’t an all-natural root beer more well-known with each sip.  As you reach the bottom of the bottle the carbonation kicks up a bit more as it now has further to travel with each upending.  This adds a delightful mouth feel, but the flavor isn’t improved.  For some reason the burps afterward have a better flavor than the root beer itself… no idea why.  Overall IBC Root Beer is an average root beer in a wonderful bottle.  I hope I’ve done my job in keeping my bias out of this review.  I’m going to stop now before I change my rating.

Nostalgic Verdict – HUGS!

~A

Twit's grandmother wraps it in leaves.  Iguanas have limited resources

Mello Yello

As many of you know I’m from Texas, and I’m just mad about Saffron.  This is an important fact to consider for the review today.  You see, I’m reviewing Mello Yello.  Mello Yello is a very mainstream brand and many of you may be wondering why I’m just now picking up a can to review.  So why have I, Aaron the Texan, decided that Mello Yello was important enough to review?  For whatever reason, Mello Yello has been nearly impossible to find in Texas for several years now.  It’s almost like Coke just kind of gave up on ever taking the market back from Mountain Dew.  I’m sure bringing it “back” to Texas was just a move that was fueled by money, but part of me thinks that SunDrop’s rise to national distribution might have had to do something with it as well.  For those of you not in the “kno”, Mello Yello is Coke’s version of Mountain Dew.  That’s the easiest way to explain what they were trying to go for when Coke created it.  It’s made with chemicals, orange juice concentrate, and now sits in a snazzy looking retro can in front of me.  I do love the can art by the way.  If there is one thing that Mello Yello has already beaten Mountain Dew and SunDrop on… it’s the can art.  So very simple, so very classic in styling, so very yello.  I mean, yellow.  I think it’s time to get this review started… quite rightly.

At first whiff Mello Yello puts off a scent more akin to Sprite than that of Mountain Dew.  However when I give it the old college try and breathe in a bit more the familiar scent of mixed citrus is what prevails.  Let’s see how well they compare in flavor.

Oh this will be easy!  Mello Yello is watered down Mountain Dew.  See ya next week folks!

~A

Ok, so maybe I should expound on this statement a little first.  If SunDrop or Mountain Dew didn’t exist then Mello Yello would be fantastic.  The fact that they do though makes you immediately compare each to another allowing us to not settle for a lesser soda which in this case is Mello Yello.  With each sip of Mello Yello you experience a rather flavorless journey until you near the end of it.  It’s almost as if they tried too hard to be refreshing and in doing so lost anything unique and fun about their beverage.  Only at the end of each gulp/sip/drink do you get the hit of citrus you probably expected since the beginning.  In the “Points For” category, I can identify several of the citrus flavors they used in making this, but the flavor overall is still a disappointment.  The carbonation works well with the flavor it’s given, but I honestly don’t care at this point. 

If any of you think I’m being too harsh on Mello Yello then know it’s with great sorrow that I do so.  One of my favorite advertising campaigns was that of Mello Yello.  Jim Varney, better known as Ernest P. Worrell, is still to this day only one of three celebrity deaths I’ve actually been saddened by in my time on Earth.  Sure the Ernest movies became overly stupid as they continued on, but the man made me laugh as a child and now as an adult.  During that time that he was making people laugh he was a spokesman for the “Make the Mello Yello Move” campaign.  To this day I can watch these commercials and enjoy them to the same degree I did as a child, if not more so.  I want to like this drink.  Ernest liked this drink, or was at least paid to.  I’m going to watch a couple of these ads, three of them actually, and see if it doesn’t improve upon my opinion of Mello Yello.  Be right back! 

Sigh….not even the great Jim Varney could sway my vote, and now  I’m more depressed than ever.  Back to the review.

Like I noted earlier the can art is awesome.  The can art hands down beats the competitors.  Let’s me focus on the can art for a moment and hopefully that will get me out of this funk.  The design on this Mello Yello can seems to harken back to simpler times.  Simpler Times, when a Peanut Farmer was President, when a stamp cost you 15 cents, and when a gallon of gas was under a dollar.  Guess what?  I wasn’t alive back then so the retro can is unable to work its magics on me.  Mello Yello is watered down Mountain Dew.  KnowwhatImean?

~A

I'll probably be snuffed out for telling you this, but it's too important not to.  Twist. Is. Vern.

MTN Dew Voltage

At the time I bought this bottle of Mtn Dew Voltage I was running out of drinks… I still am but that’s beside the point.  I’ve never really been into the whole crazy Mtn Dew flavors thing, but I respect what they’re doing.  What caught my attention to this bottle of Mtn Dew Voltage (which this point on will be called simply “Voltage”) was the fact that it contains Ginseng.  Voltage immediately starts to slide down the grading scale with the words “Charged with Raspberry Citrus Flavor…” on the side.  First off this drink is blue and a primary flavor is Raspberry.  I dislike the idea of blue raspberry anything.  Secondly what is a “Raspberry Citrus” flavor?  To find that out I guess I actually have to consume it.  Alright then.  Here we go!

Voltage smells as if you crushed up a bunch of blue raspberry SweeTarts and mixed it with the appropriate ratio of water.  Needless to say I’m not impressed.  I will say that the lightning bolt on the side of the bottle keeps catching my eye though.  So much power.  So much responsibility.  Let’s see if this will live up to its responsibility like Spiderman or fail miserably like Spiderman 3.

Rushed Venom, Emo-Peter Parker, and Kirsten Dunst as Mary Jane… that’s what ran through my head as I finished taking that sip.  So much disappointment.  Voltage hit’s your mouth with a small shock of carbonation leading up to a taste that can only be described as chemical.  I’m sure there are other descriptive terms I could have used but I had to say there wasn’t for dramatic effect.  The blue raspberry fights with the ginseng on who will be the most prominent flavor while Citrus sits in the corner shouting.  Ultimately my mouth declares them all losers and tries to drink its problems away only finding that the nearest drink is more Voltage.  Such a vicious cycle.  This is the first Mtn Dew beverage that tastes like a mediocre to bad energy drink.  I like original Mtn Dew (although Sun Drop is better), I like Code Red, and I like Pitch Black, but this is not worth finishing.  The only reason I’m not going to rate this Do Not Buy is because I could actually finish it if I wanted to.  WHY DID I JUST TAKE ANOTHER SIP?!  WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?!

~A

Oddly enough if Twist puts his tongue to it, the bottle will be shocked.

Fresh Choices Grape Soda

Gas station soda.  That’s pretty much what you can call Fresh Choices Grape Soda since the Fresh Choices brand is made for Valero Gas Stations.  As you may already know I love cheap grape sodas.  I feel that the cheaper the soda the better chance that it will be absolutely delicious, therefore I couldn’t pass this bottle up.  Its chock full of chemicals and has a logo that would make any design firm in the early 90’s swoon with excitement.  Let’s take it out for a spin.

Oh man, that is some cheap smelling grape soda.  It has such an artificial aroma that I can hardly wait to try it.  It has a very similar smell to Dimetapp which could either excite you even more about trying it, or keep you far, far away.  For me it’s the former.  Time to take my medicine.

Aaaaand disappointment.  One of the reasons I usually like cheap grape soda is the fact that it has such a strong bite.  For all practical purposes I just chugged a good amount of Fresh Choices Grape Soda and not even the hint of a burn crept into my mouth.  This tastes exactly like you would expect it… a generic grape soda.  It has approximately the same amount of sweetness that any sort of grape flavored candy might have, so it’s fairly sweet.  The grape flavoring is very, very artificial in flavor, but why wouldn’t it be when it says “artificial flavor” right on the side of the bottle.  I do kind of wish that grapes tasted like this, or at least a particular strand of grapes.  The mouth feel is somewhat syrupy, and building on itself,  since they went the chemical route in their production.   Overall it’s a very average beverage and shall be rated accordingly.  On another note, Average Beverage seems like a good name for a band.

~A

Nothing says delicious grape soda like... Grape Soda.

Topo Sabores Apple

Who doesn’t love apple soda… well besides Johnny Appleseed of course?  I always figured being around all those apples would eventually make him sick of them.  Sure he helped shape America with all he did involving apples, but I bet he only ate them to keep up his image.  Fortunately Johnny “Appleseed” Chapman isn’t here to review this Topo Sabores Apple soda.  Also fortunately… is not a proper way to start a sentence but… also fortunately I am here to review this bottle of Topo Sabores Apple Soda.  As you might be able to tell by the name, Topo Sabores hails from Mexico and uses delicious cane sugar as a sweetener as well as HFCS just to confuse us.  We’ve done a few of their drinks before so I’ll just add a link here… and maybe here.  Let’s all read about me smelling this soda now. Pop Pop!

The scent coming out of the neck of this bottle is definitely that of an apple, but I will say that it’s also a bit more subtle than I expected.  At first it smells like apple juice only to have the scent change to sweet soda at the last second, almost fooling you into thinking it was healthy.  Drink time.

Very nice.  Very nice indeed.  This apple soda even tastes a bit like apple juice even though the bottle lists no such ingredient.  With each sip I’m greeted with a touch of spice, much like you would experience in eggnog.  Before my mind gets a chance to think too hard on eggnog soda the spice quickly dissipates into a mildly carbonated apple juice flavored soda.  The aftertaste reminds me of a red apple/green apple hybrid.  It is sweet and tart at the same time and lasts considerably longer than any of the other tastes you’ll experience.  As much as I like Topo Sabores Apple Soda it doesn’t actually “wow” me.  This is an above average soda, and I will suggest you buy multiples, but it’s lacking a special something that would set it apart from being slightly above average.

~A

One day Twist will be on a bottle of soda.

Henry Weinhard's Vanilla Cream

Remember that last Henry Weinhard’s beverage we reviewed that was so very GROSS?!  No?  Me neither as they’ve all been pretty dang good.  Hopefully today’s entry into our journal, or as it will be known in the future after excavation our lore, will be just as fondly remembered.  Henry Weinhard’s Vanilla Cream is most definitely a cream soda with a draught style head.  It’s loaded with the same great ingredients (minus the fact that they use HFCS), so it should be loaded with the same great taste!  Let’s find out.

Oooooweeee!  That is a vanilla packed aroma.  It smells like they jammed so much vanilla in this bottle that it runs to the safety of the outside world to keep from overcrowding.  You know the fire marshall has really been eyeing them, trying to ticket them on any little charge.  Let’s help our vanilla friends out with their problem by consuming their souls.

Fortunately I am consuming another quality product from the shelves of Henry Weinhard.  This soda is smooth, but nothing I’m going to write more than this sentence about.  Initially I’m finding the taste to most resemble a high quality A&W Cream Soda, but with a sharper feel on your tongue.  Odd, the soon-to-be-aftertaste and the aftertaste both have hints of Big Red.  Now, I’m not the biggest fan of Big Red so it’s breaking my brain since I’m now experiencing its flavor in something I like.  Remember when you were a kid and your parents threw you that awesome dinosaur birthday party?  Of course you do, it was SO AWESOME!  Your cake was a dinosaur, your hats had dinosaurs on them, and you even got Jurassic Park on VHS/DVD/BluRay.  To top it off all of your friends were there!  All of them, even that guy that moved away last year!  Everything is coming up dinosaurs... until the doorbell rings and THAT GUY is standing there waiting for you to let him in.  You don’t like THAT GUY, you didn’t even invite him.  Who did?  It was probably your mom trying to be “polite”.  You open the door, THAT GUY has brought you nothing.  He looks around at all the dinosaur awesomeness.  “Dinosaurs, hmm?  I had a dragon party last year and everyone knows that dragons can beat up dinosaurs.”  You’re brain quickly learns your first curse word but doesn’t teach your mouth to say it.  From that point on the party never reaches its full potential.  Every fun thing that happens goes through a THAT GUY filter, diluting the ‘could be greatness’.  That’s how I feel about the Big Red taste appearing in my Henry Weinhard’s Vanilla Cream.  Ahhh that felt good.  I haven’t had a good pointless rant in a while.  Big Red taste or not this is still a better than average cream soda and it’s rating should reflect just that.

~A

Twist was never THAT GUY.

Big K Pineapple Passionfruit Soda

I just cleaned up dog vomit so by comparison this soda may get a more amazing rating than it deserves, but who knows it may knock my socks off!  The soda I’ve now mentioned in the same breath as dog vomit is Big K’s Pineapple Passionfruit Soda, another gift from the Santa-esque D. Dub.  Santa gives you things you ask for, whereas D. Dub gives you stuff he thinks you won’t like.  He’s the anti-claus really.  Anywho, this is a chemical filled beverage with a light peach color and a label like you would only expect on a 2 liter bottle of Big K.  To this day I have no idea what a passionfruit is, but I can guess that it’s pretty tasty.  How could it not be tasty when it’s called PASSIONfruit.  The software I’m typing this on really doesn’t like the fact that I keep writing it “Passionfruit” instead of “Passion Fruit”, but I’m only doing so because that’s how it’s written on the jug.  Enough chit chat… let’s do this thang!

Upon huffing said beverage I notice little to no pineapple scent escaping the opening of my Missile Command pint glass.  I’m guessing the scent I’m experiencing is that of the ever quirky Passionfruit, but that’s just a hopeful guess.  Honestly it smells a little “peachy” to me, but that might have everything to do with the color of the beverage.  On to the tasting!

Very nice for a chemical filled soda.  The carbonation visits you throughout the sip, never being the most powerful ingredient until the end.  Again, I’m not tasting a lot of pineapple here but it’s not completely absent.  It’s almost as if right as Pineapple got his pinkie toe in the bottle Peach walked up to him and made fun of his complexion.  Pineapple, now distraught, decided to give up on ever being a part of Big K Pineapple Passionfruit Soda and fell into a deep depression.  Fortunately for him the fine makers of the Dole Whip asked him to be their featured performer and he has been succeeding like gang-busters ever since.  It’s pretty much the exact same thing that happened to Jennifer Hudson.  Meanwhile back in the soda… there is also a bit of a plum flavor present as well.  I notice the plum becoming more involved during the final act of this performance, also known as the aftertaste.  Ok so maybe I don’t know what a passionfruit tastes like but I do know that this tastes like Peach Punch.  Not quite peach, not quite punch, add some carbonation and other flavors and there you have it… Peach Punch!  Quickly!  To the patent board! 

~A

Faux Fact:  The "glass pineapple" seen in this picture is the actual type of pineapple used in this soda.

MTN Dew Pitch Black

   So apparently being a soda reviewer I’m supposed to review this limited edition Mountain Dew Pitch Black.  As I understand this beverage has quite the following and it seems that it’s high time that I jump on the bandwagon.  Back in 2005 I tried to jump on the pseudo-bandwagon when Pitch Black 2 came out.  I feigned all of the excitement one might have seen since I never got the chance to try the original.  Pitch Black 2 was alright but nothing cult worthy to me so I figured that the original must have been heads and tails above its sequel.  If only I had some sort of way I could travel back to 2004 and give the original a try.  Well looky here!  Thanks to Mountain Dew… or should I say Mtn Dew (I will never say “Mtn Dew” again in this review because it’s asinine) I can now experience what I originally missed all without the help of a Delorian… which of course is points against.  The label is a very extreme purple matching the color of the beverage itself.  I really wish I had a black light to see if this bottle could truly be fantastical.  Ah well, time for a whiff.

   Ok… so that’s not quite what I was expecting.  The scent I was greeted with was that of citrus and grape… heavy on the grape fortunately.  Based on scent alone this is Mountain Dew with grape flavoring, oddly enough the label clearly states that this is Pitch Black with a BLAST of BLACK GRAPE.  I figured this was Mountain Dew with a blast of black grape but what do I know.  I’m kind of curious what Pitch Black would taste like without its blast of black grape but we’re not here for that today.   What we’re here for is transporting me back to 2004 so that I may experience the apparent amazement that is Mountain Dew Pitch Black… and so we shall.

   Interesting.  This isn’t nearly as EXTREME as I thought it would be but I find that’s working out for the experience thus far.  Instantly I can rank this as a Top 2 Dew for me.  I’m not sure what would come first but this and Code Red are now neck and neck.  Upon the first sip your tongue is immediately met with the knives of a thousand citrus flavored carbonation bubbles.  After the bubbles lay down their arms the grape, apparently black grape, flavor shows itself.  It doesn’t show in an extreme way like your uncle (it’s always a creepy uncle isn’t it?) at the last family gathering though.  Instead, Mountain Dew Pitch Black raises its hand, gets called upon, and casually states that “Yes I’m a Mountain Dew with grape flavoring”.  I realize that Mountain Dew tries to cater to an extreme/gamer/youthful audience but their flavors don’t bring that out in me.  Maybe…maybe I’m old now and just “don’t get it” anymore.  Ah well, if I “don’t get” Mountain Dew’s marketing I’m probably over thinking it.  Why did I go off on that mini-tangent?  Must be time for my old people pills.  Back to the beverage at hand. 

   I’m finding myself really enjoying Pitch Black and wish that I’d been on this train when my love of Mountain Dew was at its peak.  Like I said earlier it’s up there with Code Red in my opinion and I used to be a fiend for Code Red.  One of the strengths of the Mountain Dew brand is that they aren’t afraid to try and create Frankensteinesque sodas that combine the already popular Dew flavor with that of grape, orange, white stuff, etc.  This of course results in the occasional monstrosity but gives people even more reason to buy Dew products.  Pitch Black is good.  I’m good with this.  Of course it’s full of chemicals and that will hurt the score a bit but I can tell you that I’ll be looking for Mountain Dew Pitch Black again next year.  Now… who do I talk to about Surge, Crystal Pepsi, and the original Sprite Re-mix?

~A

Twist, of course, is the only one extreme enough to be that close to the label.

Topo-Sabores Peach

Once upon a time there was a boy who wanted a soda.  Not just any soda mind you but a Topo-Sabores Peach soda to be precise.  You see a lion once told the boy that Topo-Sabores Peach soda was delicious but this lion wasn’t always to be trusted since he always seemed to regard Topo-Sabores products at the highest level.  One day a magical wizard named Abel gave the boy a bottle of the peach concoction under one condition… that he review it and put it up in the town square for all to see.  Of course the boy obliged and ran home with his bottle of Topo-Sabores Peach.  When he finally arrived at his home he gazed in wonder at the cool bottle in his hands.  Glancing over the contents of the bottle he noticed that this contained both cane sugar and some form of black magic called high fructose corn syrup.  Confused he decided he better not think about it too much or he might fall ill.    Quickly he broke the seal hoping to get a whiff of what majesty lay before him.

It was certainly peaches, or at least black magic made to taste like peaches, that populated the inside of this container.  While he hadn’t tasted this bubble nectar just yet his nose wouldn’t lie to him… would it?

Putting the lip of the bottle to his own he tilted it back to finally enjoy what the wizard had given him.  A broad smile crossed his face as the sweet peach soda raced across his tongue quickly being chased off by a horde of bubbles giving the soda a sharp contrasting after taste.  This wasn’t as smooth as he believed it would be, as this wasn’t the boys first peach soda, but he enjoyed it nonetheless.  Out of nowhere a dragon came lumbering along flicking its tongue moving closer and closer to the boy’s soda.  Panicking the boy ran off forgetting the Topo-Sabores behind him.  Looking over his shoulder he saw it was too late for him to save his soda… by the look on the dragon’s face it was to be consumed quickly.  The boy’s mood dropped as he remembered how much he enjoyed the peach flavoring, caused by black magic or not.  “Wait a minute,” the boy said allowed, “if a wizard made this for me shouldn’t it be the best soda I’ve ever had?  I mean he is a wizard and all.  This soda is enjoyable but a wizard should be able to create something out of this world.”  With that the boy walked into town square ready to post his review.  “Where is the soda the wizard gave you?  Wasn’t it most special?  Do you think he could make me one?” a passing peasant pondered.  “It was alright.”  The boy responded.  “Don’t bother asking him to make you one though.  You’re better off buying a bottle.”

Epilogue – As the years passed the boy grew and matured.  He made a lot of friends along the way and did some pretty amazing stuff.  That boy grew up to be Abraham Lincoln.

~A

To this day no one knows what happened to the dragon.  Some say he size was exaggerated, others say he still walks among us.  I guess we'll never know.

Sun Drop

   I saw Sun Drop a few months back in my local grocery store and thought that it was some old timey soda that had now finally made it to Texas.  Turns out I was right!  Sun Drop or Sundrop, has been around in some from since the 1930’s but thanks to the Dr. Pepper/Snapple company now has seen a nationwide release as of this year.  I must say they are promoting the heck out of it too.  I’ve seen it sponsored on boxers (fighters not underwear), billboards, and big trucks… just to name a few of the “B” ones.  Figuring that I might as well try this “new” beverage I purchased a pack guessing that I knew what I was getting into.  It’s in a fun green can and it’s labeled as a citrus soda.   This is the Dr. Pepper version of Mountain Dew… AMIRIGHT?  Sadly this means it also uses HFCS and other chemicals to flavor… wait… this has orange juice in the ingredients.  To quote the 9th Doctor, “Fantastic!”  Ok, so maybe it could be a bit different than the Dew.  Enough of the pleasantries.

   Sun Drop smells a lot like Mountain Dew but has a bit more of a citrus bite to its aroma.  While it’s a generically citrus smell my nostrils are still able to pick out hints of lemon and lime.  Like I said before, this is Dr. Pepper’s version of Mountain Dew… CANIGETAWITNESS?

   Upon drinking it my tongue is touched by a bevy of citrus flavors.  I can pick out the lemon and lime I whiffed earlier and most impressively I can also taste the orange juice that is listed on the side of the can.  None of these are dominant flavors mind you but if you take the time to try and sort it out in your mouth you can identify them all.  This is a little bit sweeter to me than Mountain Dew and a little less harsh on the throat.  Obviously Mountain Dew is not as caustic as Coke or Pepsi but it does have room to be muted a bit.  Personally I like the taste of Sun Drop more than Mountain Dew to the point where if I’m given the choice I’d pick Sun Drop every time if it was made with sugar.  As it currently stands I’ll only pick Sun Drop every time over regular Dew… throwback still gets my vote.  You get almost the same flavor that you would with Dew except for a few subtle improvements like the slight orange flavoring, the smoother mouth feel, and (in my opinion) the not INYOURFACE marketing.  Sun Drop to me embodies a sit on the porch after a sweltering hot day watching the sun set kind of drink.  The drink feels much more laid-back than its competition and in such makes me enjoy it that much more.  With all that said I think Dr. Pepper/Snapple picked a winner in Sun Drop and in doing so have the strongest lineup of soda out of the big three.  Obviously Coke and Pepsi are going to make more money at the end of the year but give me Dr. Pepper/RC Cola/7up/Sun Drop over the Red and Blue equivalents any day.

~A

Which one is the can and which one is the iguana?!  The world may never know.

Sprecher Ravin' Red

   I’ve been saving this soda.  I’ve been saving this soda because I think it’s going to be amazing and I want the review to do it justice.  What I have in front of me is a Sprecher’s Ravin’ Red.  Allow me to translate what flavor Ravin’ Red is.  Ravin’ Red is a cran-cherry soda with ginseng.  There is not one thing wrong with the list of flavors I typed up in that last sentence and that’s what excites me.  Sure Sprecher’s uses HFCS but they’ve shown in the past that they plug past that and create fantastic products.  The ingredient listed before HFCS is Door County Cherry Juice and later on down the label you find Wisconsin Rapids Cranberry Juice with some raw Wisconsin honey.  There are so many other sweeteners in here besides HFCS thus negating my care of their usage.  The label is also adorned with red raven flying through the air carrying a bag of cranberries and two cherries.  How I wish I could get a shirt with this amusing character on it.  Enough chatter.

   The scent that escapes the neck of the bottle is that of a slight cranberry.  I can’t smell the cherry at all but that’s not saying it isn’t there.   I’m not enticed by the scent but of course I will push on for the greater cause.

   Very nice.  All three listed flavors are present in each sip.  You are initially hit with the cranberry for a short period of time allowing the cherry to peek it’s head around the corner.  It’s not quite time for the cherry to go on stage yet because the ginseng pushes him back behind the curtain and makes his own appearance.  When the ginseng is done trying to be the star of the show the cherry reappears with one of the most delicious subtle finishes I’ve had in a long time.  Your mouth is left with a delightful cherry taste that you know is juice and not flavoring.  The mouth feel of this beverage ranges from the sharp feel of the cranberry on the back of your throat to the ever so smooth feel of cherry afterward.  Nothing about this beverage is overly sweet but I can’t figure out what I would pair it with if I was eating.  Honestly I guess it could be a good buddy to a burger or something along those lines.  The only downside I can find to this beverage is that its flavor builds up in your mouth.  Each sip becomes richer and richer until you’re not sure you want anymore.  The bottle I’m drinking from is 16 oz but I’d be perfectly happy with 12.  I’m going to stop here before I ruin my experience by over indulging myself on Sprecher’s Ravin’ Red.  Moderation my friend, moderation.

~A

Twist says he knows the raven on this bottle and that he's "good people".

Henry Weinhard's Root Beer

   Since You’ve Been Gone somebody told me that Henry Weinhard’s Root Beer was the best root beer hands down.  I of course was doubtful because I don’t trust people that use the phrase “hands down”.  Nonetheless I still started seeking out said root beer, asking various store Clerks, but found other Henry Wienhard products instead both of which were delicious!  Now with Henry Weinhard Root Beer in hand I can either validate or nullify the statement that was made to me so long ago.  On a side note it’s really hard for me to remember the name Henry Weinhard. 

   Now I just got through walking my Dogma so I’m pretty thirsty.  Upon opening the bottle I’m greeted by the meek aroma of root beer.  Now had this review been written 40 Days and 40 Nights ago I would have been wary about this weak smell.  Not anymore though.  So many times I’ve thought that the smell was the Master and Commander of the drink… setting the tone to what was to follow.  So many times this has proven to be false.  Time to drink and think.

   Let’s just get the initial question out of the way.  Sorry, this is not the greatest root beer “hands down”.  That’s just Sex, Lies, and Video Tape.  This is a good root beer though and should not be overlooked.  If you’re at Muriel’s Wedding in Chicago and the Priest offers you this is I highly suggest you try it.  You start off with a rather unique flavor that is still unmistakably root beer.  You can tell they didn’t try to Mimic any of the other root beers on the market.  What follows is a smooth root beer flavor followed by a quick snap of bubbles.  You could chug this and be just fine.  In fact you could drink this from Dusk Till Dawn.  The smooth mouth feel of this root beer is very nice; it reminds you that Life is Beautiful.  Your mouth doesn’t feel syrupy after drinking it (which is surprising since they use HFCS as a sweetener) and the unique flavor stays with you throughout.  Holy Smoke, I forgot to look at the ingredients.  I’m Wide Awake and I forgot to look... I’m losing my edge.  Well now that I’m looking I see that they use honey in the making of this beverage.  That is definitely one of the attributing factors to this unique sub-taste.  I make up the word sub-taste because it’s not the flavor that holds dominance in your mouth that I’m talking about but the one that hides in the shadows and peeks out afterwards.  Your Henry Weinhard’s Root Beer experience is capped off with a fairly clean ending, leaving a pleasant aftertaste.  Even though this is a great beverage and I suggest you enjoy it I leave you with this advice.  Don’t be a Menace to South Central While Drinking Your Root Beer in the Hood.  Anywho… time for me to Bounce.

~The Tall Guy from Happy, TX

P.S. - Princess Mononoke

Twist's favorite Miramax movie?  Godzilla vs Biollante of course.

Rat Bastard Root Beer

   Rat Bastard Root Beer.  That’s the name of the beverage in front of me today.  The letters that form the name of this beverage are scrawled in white upon a plain grey background.  I’d say it was boring if it wasn’t for the other “witty” words adorning the bottle.  Phrases such as “It’s us against them”, “What you’ll be drinking”, and my particular favorite “Quit being a dick.  Drink it.”  Rat Bastard Root Beer uses HFCS for sweetener but then comes out of nowhere with several odd herbs for flavoring.  There’s a few ginsengs in there, some jasmine, clove, skullcap, capsicum, kava kava, and so many other strange herbs I wouldn’t think to add to a beverage.  Well I pride myself in being a Jerk but I will not be called a dick without just cause.  Let’s just open this already. 

   It has a great rooty aroma that comes right out and hits you in the face.  Even though this may not be sweetened with sugar I’m still looking forward to this first gulp.

   The smell, as it so often seems to be, is much stronger than the taste and this disappoints me.  I expected something called Rat Bastard Root Beer to take me by the throat and shake me until I enjoyed their product.  For goodness sake they used peer pressure to get me to drink it… who wants to be a dick?  The insane herbal blend they use is only slightly noticeable but it does make your tongue tingle in an interesting way.  The flavor most resembles that of Barq’s if I must compare it to one of the big mainstream three.  Barq’s has more bite… which once again makes me sad that I let my mind rev this beverage up based on its name alone.  I will say that it has a relatively clean finish… so… good for you Rat Bastard Root Beer.  Shame on you for having such an extreme name for such a tamely flavored soda.  “Nice Guy Root Beer” would have worked better for the flavor I just ingested but you’d still get the same rating.

~A

Don't worry, Twist punished this bottle for calling him a dick.

Crush Lime

   I’m sleepy so let’s get this over with.  Aaron like lime soda, blah, blah, blah.  There aren’t many lime sodas on the market, yada, yada, yada.  Hopefully Crush Lime is delicious, Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice.  What I obviously have in front of me is a can of Crush Lime.  This was given to us by Dan Dub who I believe hated it.  Mike has since tried it and apparently loves the stuff.  I’ve been over thinking the order of drinks to review in my fridge and in a tired stupor picked this one out because it’d be the easiest to photograph (I could either photograph and then review it, or I could review it and then photograph).  Any who, this is a can of lime flavored soda which is made by Crush.  I like Crush Orange so I might as well give this one a shot as well.  Time to crack’er open. 

   Smells D-Lishus!  The first thing I thought of when I opened the can was candy.  This could very well be liquid lime candy.  I suppose most soda is liquid candy when you think about it but I don’t really want to think about it at the time.  I just want to drink this, so I shall.

   Well the initial taste is much weaker than I thought it would be.  The smell psyches you out, making you think you’re going to enjoy liquid lime candy when in fact you’re just drinking an average lime soda.  There isn’t a whole lot of fizz to Crush Lime, or Lime Crush as I’m sure everyone else in the world calls it.  I have no qualms with there being little fizz to this drink.  If it were any fizzier then the already muted lime flavoring would be stuffed even further back onto the bookshelf much like Garfield Tips the Scales: His Eighth Book.  The cat has like 50 something books and if you planned on collecting them as a kid you probably gave up around book 30 like I did.  To this day I’ll be going through my bookshelf and randomly find a Garfield book stuffed amongst my other bizarre reading material.  I found a Hi-lights magazine in there from 1987.  Guess what?  Goofus is still not ready for “big boy” scissors and Gallant will end up housing over 60 cats by the age of 42… most of them imaginary.  You know why I ranted just then?  I’ll tell you, because Crush Lime is boring.  This is a generic flavored lime beverage with no life to it.  This is something that you’d find when you need to scavenge for food right before a hurricane hits.  “I can’t believe I didn’t do this earlier.  Why isn’t there any bottled water left?!  Beef Jerky?  Yeah that’s a meat, we can eat that.  A gallon of sweet tea… sure the kids like sweet tea.  Generic lemon cookies?  Those go great with sweet tea!  What’s this?  Lime Crush?  I didn’t even know they made… ah heck I might as well grab it.”  You take it home and guzzle it down with your beef jerky and generic lemon cookies.  Never once do you think that it’s great or that it’s horrible.  You just drink it because it’s there.  If you like lime but don’t have access to Jarritos Lime or Stewarts Key Lime Soda, then I guess this would be ok.  Just know that you’re missing out on the superior product.

~A

Twist was oddly attracted to this can.