Fanta Grape with Sugar

I often complain that Texas doesn’t have the same number of soda makers than the Northwest seems to have.  We don’t even compare to the Northeast or the East Coast in general.  Austin is starting to come through on the soda end, but that’s just now picking up speed.  My complaints are usually silenced by someone saying “Don’t you get Mexican sodas in your grocery stores?”.  Yes, yes we do and I need to stop complaining because the sodas from Mexico are usually pretty dang good for a variety of reasons.  

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Well don't you?

One of the biggest though is that they’re sweetened with cane sugar.  You can get a beverage that wouldn’t be anything but average here in the states, but the crisp sweetness of cane sugar can turn it all around.  That’s what I’m hoping for today in my review of Fanta Grape.

What’s that timeless saying?  Wanta Fanta?  Dontchu wanta, wanta Fanta?  After inhaling the sugary grape aroma that came pouring out of the top of this bottle...yes I do wanta Fanta.

This is an excellent example of a grape soda.  It’s sugary, but not obnoxiously so.  It’s artificially flavored, but keeps the fruit fun.  The taste doesn’t coat my mouth with grape nonsense, but allows a bit of a reprise between sips.  That of course is due to the sugar taking the place of high fructose corn syrup.  I do wish it had a bit more punch to it as I like my grape sodas violent.  I want my throat to burn a little.  I want to wince just the tiniest bit.  Fanta Grape is on the smoother side and the carbonation that it pairs with just sorta shows up at the end.

Some might turn their noses up at this sodas since it is a bunch of chemicals made to taste grape, but long time readers of the site know that’s right up my alley when it comes to grape sodas.  The flavor is strong although nothing I’m going to fawn over for the next few days.  It’s definitely a good soda and takes out it’s HFCS brethren easily.  Make it a little stronger and it’d really be a winner.

~A

Xyience Xenergy Pineapple

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Twist felt flat today, but his thighs looked GREAT!

Today’s Xyience experiment is pineapple flavored.  Technically this can of Xenergy is +Lemonade, whatever that means, in addition to being pineapple flavored.  I’m honestly not sure what to expect here, but I’m rolling with it.  Like all the other Xyience products that we’ve reviewed it’s sugar free and has zero calories.  They’ve been hit or miss so far in the flavor department so it will be interesting to see what side of the fence pineapple lemonade falls.

As the can cracks open the faint aroma that arrives is more lemonade than pineapple.  In fact I’d be amazed if I could identify this as pineapple flavored based on the scent alone.  Hopefully the taste doesn’t leave that much to mystery.

The initial taste I get is the tart bite of a lemon.  Slowly it washes away and transforms into the pineapple lemonade we were promised.  Truthfully it’s lemonade pineapple as the real star of the show cannot be mistaken.  Throughout the entire gulp the lemon teases the tip of my tongue with a tingle of sour.  This leaves the rest of my mouth awash with an average tasting lemonade.  It’s on par with Minute Maid lemonade, which to me is on the weaker side of the big name brands.  

Xyience Xenergy Pineapple is a very refreshing beverage.  Something I would happily reach for on a sweltering day.  It goes down smoothly which makes it easy to return for another sip.  The lack of sugar isn’t overly noticeable and the flavor while pleasant isn’t memorable.  All in all it’s a good energy drink, but an average tasting beverage.

~A

This beverage supplied to us by Xyience

Xyience Xenergy Tropical Punch

So the last time I tried a Xyience Xenergy beverage I was quite impressed.  It was refreshing, the taste was pretty good, it was all I needed it to be.  Well today’s review is of Xyience Xenergy Tropical Punch where the key idea is Hydration.  Tropical Punch flavor is caffeine free, sugar free, and loaded up with B vitamins.  It’s also enhanced with electrolytes, but whatever.  I just want this to be a tasty fruit punch.

Upon cracking open the can I get a familiar aroma.  This smells a lot like Hawaiian Punch, but not quite as fierce.  So they have the proto-typical fruit punch aroma happening.  Will it translate into the flavor?

Meh, kinda.  This tastes like watered down tropical punch which makes sense because it’s a “Hydration” product.  I guess I should really be comparing the taste of this to Gatorade or Powerade, but I have my own standards of delicious tropical punch taste.  In this case the “punch” is limited and the “tropical” is boring.  As powerful as the flavors were in the last beverage I reviewed, typically much more subtle flavors at that, I expected topical punch to blow me away.

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Twist was the muse behind 1999: A Space Oddity

Aside from being “watered down” there’s something in the aftertaste that just seems out of place.  It’s a combination of burn and bitter that lasts for just long enough to sour my opinion on this beverage.  The more that I chug it the more medicinal the aftertaste becomes.  Wandering away from tropical punch and moving toward Pedialyte.  I’ll be able to finish it this one time, but it’s not really something I’d be reaching for again.

So you’re saying to your monitor right now “Monitor, why be angry that a drink made for hydration is watered down?”  You monitor will respond with this next sentence.

“Dave, The Soda Jerks rank beverages based on taste and little else”

So after you unplug your computer to kill it remember what it said.  It Xyience Xenergy an alright hydrator?  Sure.  Do you want to have more than one in your fridge at any given time just to drink?  Unless you want a weak tropical punch flavored beverage with the aftertaste of medicine, no...probably not.

~A

This beverage supplied to us by Xyience

JOIA Ginger Apricot and Allspice

How’s the old saying go?  JOIA, JOIA everywhere, and lots of flavors to drink?  I’m pretty sure that’s accurate.  Once again I have a bottle of JOIA in front of me.  This time it’s flavor is listed as Ginger, Apricot, and Allspice.  Three ingredients I enjoy, but never even thought about combining.  As with all JOIA beverages the flavors listed in the title are easily found in the ingredient list along with a host of other natural tastes.  You see, JOIA is an all natural soda with nothing artificial.  This allows me to expect every flavor combination to be at least above average, hopefully this bottle will meet those expectations.

The allspice and ginger are the strongest scents out of the mouth of the bottle.  It’s an aroma that I wouldn’t mind filling up my house.  Perhaps JOIA should start a candle business on the side.  I’d buy one.

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Twist actually won Wrestlemania XII, but was disqualified and had to give up the belt.

Son of a gun, that first impression is a delightful one.  Immediately I see why ginger and allspice were the two scents greeting me from the get go.  Each sip I take is like watching them wrestle for dominance.  

Ginger punches Allspice in the throat, but Allspice recovers and jumps onto Ginger from the ropes.  Rolling out of the way, Ginger connects with Allspices kidney.  Allspice hits the mat and Ginger goes on top for the pin.  ONE, TWO, THR… Allspice is able to kick out of it, but rolls out of the ring in a daze.  Ginger charges after knowing that Allspice is weakened, but what’s this?  A chair clocks Ginger across the face.  HE’S NOT ALLOWED TO DO THAT!  HE’S NOT ALLOWED TO DO THAT! Ginger hits the mat unconscious and Allspice pins him down.  ONE, TWO, TH… a bottle is thrown from an unknown location knocking Allspice out.  The two spices are still in the middle of the ring.  Who threw the bottle?  It was Apricot.

That’s pretty much what my experience is like.  It’s a lot of spice fighting amongst the bubbles and I kind of forgot that there is even supposed to be an apricot flavor.  Then somewhere in the aftertaste I remembered.  While the spices were nice change of pace at first now they are starting to tire out my taste buds.  I want more of the fruit and less of the spice.  It’s no longer a refreshing beverage because of these uneven levels.  Perhaps if Apricot had been given the chance at the title he would have brought his A game.

~A

JOIA Orange Jasmine and Nutmeg

So I’ve been sent several soda samples this year and fortunately the JOIA line was one of them.  The flavors I’ve had thus far were quite good and they don’t use any artificial ingredients either.  Today’s bottle of JOIA is of the Orange, Jasmine, and Nutmeg flavored variety.  The ingredients list each of the flavors titled plus a few extras like Monk Fruit, which is actually on the rise when it comes to soda making.  I’m not quite sure what this family of flavors will be like when combined, but I'm willing to bet it’ll be tasty.  

Twist has dated someone with all the listed names in this beverage.  Nutmeg was his favorite.

A delightful natural orange aroma rushes to the mouth of the bottle.  The nutmeg is also prevalent enough to make itself known with ease.  These two flavors don’t completely mask the jasmine, but they’re definitely the stars of this aromatic show.

A citrus kick right to the back of my throat is how I start my journey with this soda.  The orange and nutmeg once again working in tandem.  The nutmeg keeps the orange from tasting too acidic, creating a bitter flavor in the middle of my sip.  As the two power players work with one another the jasmine lilts in the background, creating a subtle sweetness.  Ultimately the orange is the most dominant of the three and has the final say as my gulp comes to an end.

Proving just as important is the small, but sharp bubbles experienced with each taste.  They keep the beverage alive and fun; stopping the orange/nutmeg combination from just sitting in your stomach as orange juice can sometimes do.  

All in all, JOIA Orange Jasmine and Nutmeg is a solid beverage.  All three of the flavors play their parts well, the ingredient list is fantastic, and it’s not just another fruit soda.  The bitter taste will not be pleasing to some, myself included, but it’s not so strong that you can’t enjoy the soda.  Pick up a few and share them with your friends, let them decide.

~A

Begley's and Bill's Bananas Foster

The final beverage in my possession from Begley’s and Bill’s is Bananas Foster.  I’m fully expecting a taste of bananas and fire and will be disappointed if this is not achieved.  Ok, so I should probably lower my fire tasting expectations and just be on the lookout for vanilla, cinnamon, and perhaps a touch of rum flavoring.  

I’m going to limit my discussion of their sweetening agent to two sentences and then not mention it again as I’ve talked about it in the past three reviews.  B&B use SweetenFX which is their proprietary blend of stevia and erythritol to sweeten and it works quite well.  In other news, this will be my second or third banana flavored soda and my first bananas foster.  I’m quite excited to see what they can do.

Twist was the cause of the great banana famine of 1823

This has the strongest scent of the four B&B sodas I’ve tried to date.  The aroma is not unlike banana Runts which give me pause.  I dislike banana Runts as should you.  I’m pretty sure they just use them as filler so the bags aren’t loaded up with strawberry and cherry.  This isn’t a candy blog though…yet…so let’s move on to the actual tasting.

Alright, this could be better.  It certainly has a banana taste to it, but it reminds me of a medicine that’s been given banana flavoring after the fact.  After my sip was finished the some of the other expected tastes came in on the back end.  Vanilla was the strongest, but still easily shoved aside by banana.  I hardly taste any cinnamon or rum and maybe I’m not tasting it at all.  Perhaps I’m just wishing the two flavors into existence.  That’s how faint they are.  

Each sip I take hurts my opinion of B&B Bananas Foster more and more.  The artificial banana taste builds upon itself like lincoln logs stacking higher and higher.  I’m pretty sure I’m about to reach a point where I don’t want to finish the bottle.  This is a different outcome than the previous three B&B sodas where each bottle was emptied.  Nah, I’m stopping here.  This review is poorly written, but the soda is poorly executed so we’re even.

Begley’s and Bill’s Bananas Foster is a good idea, but seems kinda halfway done.  There are so many parts to bananas foster and while they still might be under the hood the less than stellar banana flavoring is the engine.  Give it a shot if you want to, but I’d buy quite a bit before this.

~A

This soda was supplied to us by Begley’s and Bill’s

Kazouza Watermelon

I ate some insane hot sauce today, 357 Mad Dog if you’re curious.  It was a rather painful experience, but I knew I had a soda review that needed to be written as well.  Sadly I had to wait until the hot sauce heat had worn off because I didn’t want to grant extra points for relieving pain.  So here we are, me a little bit smarter and you waiting for a review.  Today’s soda was purchased by you with your donations, I thank you.  What you bought me was Kazouza Watermelon Soda.  Checking out the ingredients I see this was made in Lebanon and contains 5% juice.  It also contains the “Esters of Wood Rosins”, so I got that to look forward to.  Let’s just get to it.

Watermelon scent slyly finds its way out of the bottle, hardly noticeable unless you’re looking for it.  There’s something off putting about the aroma as well, sort of a sickly scent.  I’m hoping that doesn’t translate its way into the taste.

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Watermelon was the first currency used among iguanas.  Twist at one point controlled 6% of all watermelons. 

There is a light fizz to this refreshing watermelon soda.  It’s a fairly natural taste with a differing sweetness than you’d find in an actual fruit.  Watermelons are actually nauseating to me due to their cloyingly sweet taste, yet Kazouza Watermelon allows me to enjoy watermelon flavor without wanting to retch. 

Helping keep the soda from clinging to my teeth is the cane sugar it’s sweetened with.  While I do end up with some aftertaste I’m primarily given a clean finish with each sip.  It may take a few extra seconds, but ultimately the taste vanishes allowing for a soda that doesn’t built upon itself and overpower.

Kazouza Watermelon is alright.  I’m not going to run out and buy a ton of it because, as stated before, I don’t like watermelon.  If you like the taste of watermelon then I think you’d enjoy this soda.  Unfortunately for Kazouza my dislike of watermelon is going to come through in the rating of this soda.  Just keep that in mind, will you?

This soda was supplied to us by YOU!  Your donations allowed for us to purchase this for review. Thank you!

Route 66 Lime Soda

You can either read 500 something reviews or this next sentence to catch up.  I like lime soda.  So when I was presented the funds (from you) to buy my own sodas of course I picked a lime flavored one.  Route 66 Lime Soda to be exact.  The bottle even says “Chosen by Soda jerks Every Time”.  If that’s not some sort of sign I don’t know what is.  The ingredient list is mostly chemical, but this is sweetened with “real” cane sugar so it has that going for it.  Above the ingredients is what I assume to be a “stopping point” on Route 66.  Today’s stopping point is the Chain of Rocks Bridge.  It’s over 5353 feet long and was constructed in 1929.  I’d tell you more about it, but I don’t want to spoil the ending.  What I do want to do is taste this anti-freeze green soda.

Route 66 Lime Soda smells of lime candy with a hint of cleaning product.  Preferably it will taste like lime candy and the cleaning product aroma will just add a needed kick to the mouth feel.  Bottoms up!

There’s more of a bitter taste to this soda than I anticipated.  Needless to say it cuts down on the potential to be candy sweet, but in doing so keeps the flavor more in the natural realm.  With that said, this is definitely not lime juice soda.  The sugar just takes a moment to get up and running before it can chase the mild bitterness away.  A bit of a syrupy texture is left on my teeth as I continue to consume this soda.  It’s not all that bothersome, but I’d rather do without it.  All in all I’m finding Route 66 Lime Soda to be rather average.  It tastes alright, but even as a lime lover I’d rather an average [insert fruit here] soda over this one. 

Caught somewhere between trying to be candy and trying to taste like lime, Route 66 Lime Soda just ends up being forgettably good.  If you just want a lime soda and you see this, then grab a bottle.  If you want a fruit flavored soda then just go for what looks best in your cup holder.

~A

This soda was brought to us by YOU!  The donations you supplied were used to purchase it!

Gross Gus's Pirate Piss

Well those two lovely ladies, Alice and Diane, have saddled me with a bevy of terribly named sodas once again.  The first and least repulsive sounding of the four is a bottle of Pirate Piss.  How this is the least disgusting of the group will only be revealed in time.  For now I find it important to tell you that the actual flavor of this beverage is not Pirate Piss.  I’m sure several of you are taken aback that this bottle isn’t full of scurvy urine.  Thankfully the side of the bottle lets me know that this is indeed banana soda sweetened with sugar and a host of chemicals.  For realism purposes though they really did a great job on getting a dark urine color for the soda.  Moving on.

Twist will never know the satisfaction of an empty bladder

Pirate Piss has a banana scent that is fainter than I originally expected.  I assumed that if you’re going to have an outrageous name it would be backed up by an outrageous experience.  Honestly, they shouldn’t be faulted too much as banana doesn’t carry a strong aroma in the wild either.  Perhaps the taste will be the difference maker.

The carbonation within Gross Gus’s Pirate Piss is powerful.  Stinging bubbles rush at my lips and tongue, diverting my attention from the flavor with their abundance.  Bananas, to me, illicit a smooth sensation in the flavor department.  I never think of a banana flavored anything giving me reason for recoil due to mouth feel alone.  Once the over the top fizz goes away I’m left with a banana flavor that favors candy and not fruit.  This does not surprise me in the slightest.  Thankfully this candy banana taste isn’t overly sweet which allows me to go back for repeat swigs without being overpowered by sugar, something I do not think would be possible if this was sweetened with HFCS.  If you like banana sweets you’ll probably like Pirate Piss.  On the other hand, if you’re not on the banana train then you should probably steer clear of this soda.

Gross Gus’s Pirate Piss is a banana soda that is ultimately average in its delivery.  The good portions of this soda are buried so far within a carbonated curtain that they never truly have the chance to shine.

~A

Sodafruit Pashun Froot Soda

If a bottle of soda could talk then this bottle in front of me would have an epic tale.  It started in New Zealand and boarded a wooden box with three of its friends.  This wooden box toured the world for about a month and a half before arriving at my doorstep.  Who knows what adventures it had out on the open seas, gallivanting with pirates and the like.  Upon opening said wooden box I was happy to see my new friend, a bottle of Sodafruit Pashun Froot Soda.  A particularly fun name that allows you to say the words in reverse order and still have the same beverage.  Exciting to try this new (not on the market yet) soda from Sodafruit I has no hesitation that I’d love it.  Then I saw the seeds. 

The seeds of a passion fruit are obvious especially when they reside in a delightful orange soda.  They look like a smaller version of a watermelon seed measuring about ¼ of an inch in length.  I asked the CEO of Sodafruit about this off putting look and he assured me that the best flavor he can make with a passion fruit involves the seeds.  Not being a soda maker I must trust this judgment, but I still researched it.  Passion fruit seeds are incredibly good for you, so while my tentativeness still lingers my fear of death has quelled. 

Why should I worry?  Why should I care?  This is from Sodafruit, one of my favorite makers of soda products.  They’ve never steered me wrong before, why would it now?  The ingredients listed are Carbonated Water, Cane Sugar, Passion Fruit Pulp, Lemon Juice, Spices, and a preservative that keeps it from fermenting.  See, nothing to worry about.

Interestingly enough I have no personal knowledge of the singled out flavor of a passion fruit.  A quick look into our database shows me I’ve never even had a passion fruit soda.  I’ve had sodas that use passion fruit in combination, but never just a passion fruit.  The time is ripe to try one.

Since there is a fair amount of pulp and seeds involved with this beverage I’m going to upend it prior to opening.  WOW, it’s like the tropics punched me in the nose.  An overwhelming aroma of passion fruit charges from the mouth of the bottle.  Immediately inviting my taste buds to the party it’s holding inside.  There’s no reason that I should show up fashionably late to this soiree.

Oddly enough, Twist isn't the seediest character in this picture

It’s like I’m biting into a fruit.  Since I’ve never had a passion fruit I can only assume this is what one tastes like.  When “passion fruit pulp” pulp is your third ingredient it’s a safe bet your soda tastes like passion fruit.  Flavor aside, it’s the reaction this has with my mouth and the feel of the beverage that is reminding me of enjoying a tropical fruit.  A dash of carbonation adds to the citrusy punch of the added lemon juice.  This zesty sensation keeps the soda from feeling too heavy or syrupy, allowing you to go back for more without it feeling overly heavy.

 As far as the seeds are concerned, the majority of them are content to sit plainly at the bottom of the bottle.  Occasionally one swims up to go on its last hurrah and it’s at this point I’m not sure if I could chew them or just swallow them whole.   Swallowing them whole seems to be the best bet for me, but if you decided to chew that wouldn’t create an issue for you either.  Now that I’m nearing the bottom of the bottle the seed to liquid ratio is tilting toward heavy seed.  This caused the mouth feel of my last sip to be a bit bumpy, which I could definitely see being off putting for some.

Now here’s where I ask myself would I rather a lower quality passion fruit soda if it meant taking out the seeds?  No, I wouldn’t.  Sodafruit Pashun Froot Soda may be a bit off putting to look at, but it’s excellent in all aspects.  Perhaps a few less seeds would bump up the score to perfection, but like I said earlier… it’s a work in progress.

~A

This soda provided to us by Sodafruit

Pure Sodaworks Hibiscus Lemon

I’ve never been one to drink flowers.  This is why I’ve saved the Pure Sodaworks Hibiscus Lemon for last.  Honestly I’m afraid I’ll hate.  Let’s see if I can guess what’s in it before I look at the ingredients.

The Soda Jerk’s Guess:  Sparkling Water, Pure Cane Sugar, Hibiscus, Lemon Juice.

Actual Ingredients:  Sparkling Water, Pure Cane Sugar, Hibiscus Flowers, Lemon Peel.

I feel I did pretty well, but I’m surprised to see this only contains lemon peel.  Perhaps the hibiscus flavor that I am so very unsure of will finally win me over in this form.  The soda is a pleasant rose color and WOW there is a bonkers amount of sediment in this bottle.  Ah well, when in Houston.

This smells not unlike a fruity tea with a squeeze of lemon.  With a deep inhalation I also get a flowery scent that while pleasant to the nose worries the mouth.  A little worry never did me any favors, so I feel it’s time to drink.

Now if it were dandelion lime...

It’s like I’m drinking an all-natural ginger ale while walking through a rose garden.  The sweet aroma coming from the pedals mixes with the flavors within my mouth.  A second sip reveals that Hibiscus Lemon starts to stack on itself quickly.  Another visit sweetens the taste and brings out the hibiscus even more.  It still reminds me of a ginger ale, but that memory is quickly fading… fading… gone.  The confusing sensation of consuming the scent of a flower is now at the forefront.  I don’t exactly enjoy the taste I’m living, but I’m happy to see a legitimate hibiscus soda.

Each time I stop drinking to write my lips develop the flavor of a fruit tea.  It seems the scent I initially identified was also present in the flavor.  The lemon peel is hardly noticed and if I didn’t see the words on the label I wouldn’t even know it was there. 

Sigh.  I can tell this was masterfully made, but hibiscus flavored soda just isn’t for me.  Fruit flavored teas are a favorite of mine, but that’s only a sliver of the flavors I’m experiencing.  I’m afraid my writing skills have failed me in trying to describe this sensation, but I don’t hesitate to tell you that I think you should try it for yourself.  Perhaps just a bottle to start.

~A

This soda was provided to us by Pure Sodaworks

Pure Sodaworks Apple Pie

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Sweet, sweet, sediment.

One of the first sodas that truly amazed me was Reeds Spiced Apple Brew.  My fragile mind could not fathom that a soda could have the aftertaste of apple pie.  It was only until I tasted Soda Fruit Apple Crumble did I realize this fantastic flavor could even be replicated.  With those two companies excelling in the accomplishment of apple pie flavored sodas, I must say that Pure Sodaworks has their work cut out for them.  Pure Sodaworks Apple Pie is only going against two sodas, but those two sodas are both in my all-time top 5.  Best of luck guys, but your ingredient list of sparkling water, apple cider, pure cane sugar, cinnamon and vanilla allows me to think you’ve got a chance.

That smells like apple pie.  It doesn’t smell like apple pie soda, it smells like apple pie.  At this point I’m almost positive that I’m in for another treat.  Apple Pie soda is a rarity.  Technically Reeds Spiced Apple Brew is not one, but I consider it one due to its aftertaste.  I think the trifecta of apple pie soda is about to complete with my first sip.  Please don’t make a liar out of my imagination Pure Sodaworks.  Please don’t disappoint me.

I love you Pure Sodaworks.  I love your apple pie soda… at least that’s my initial reaction.  What impresses me the most is how true the apple flavor is to what you’d find in an apple pie.  The caramel apples buried beneath the crust are mirrored in taste within this bottle.  Light carbonation dances about in the background as it’s pleased to be playing second fiddle to the taste at hand.  A finale features the initial players of Apple, Cinnamon, and Sugar, but another actor has appeared on the stage.  Vanilla.  She hadn’t been present before, but now you can’t take your eyes off of her.  Gracefully she blends in to the rest of the company and it’s like she was there the whole time.  They all take a bow and you’re mouth is left empty.  Yet, you still have the memories of the performance and they’re not syrupy sweet.  They’re honest memories and you’ll tell your friends all about them.

That’s perhaps the “artsiest” review I’ve ever written, but who cares.  Pure Sodaworks Apple Pie is amazing and easily fills out the third spot in my Apple Pie Soda Trifecta.

~A

This soda supplied to us by Pure Sodaworks

A “Twist’s Choice” Recipient

Pure Sodaworks Strawberry Jalapeno

The last soda I will drink in 2013 needs to be memorable.  It needs to be unique.  It needs to be flavored with strawberry AND jalapeno.  Luckily my oddly specific requirements have been met in Pure Sodaworks Strawberry Jalapeno soda.  Hey, you wanna know what’s in this soda?  Sparkling water, Pure Cane Sugar, Strawberries, and Jalapenos.  That’s beautiful.  The soda itself looks like you left your lucky red hat on the dashboard of your car for about 10 years; pink, but just barely.  I’m just too excited to type any longer.  This experience needs to begin right now.

Ok, I cheated a little bit, but it wasn’t my fault.  I gently upended the soda to get the sediment mixed and upon opening I had to stop the flow of fizz from going everywhere.  I got a bit of a taste, but it was just the foam.  Let’s just pretend it never happened, ok?  The smell is primarily that of the strawberry and it smells like a scratch and sniff sticker.  So light and inviting I can’t wait to actually test out the beverage.

Just as the scent lead me to believe the strawberry taste is great!  It’s not sugary nonsense (as so many strawberry sodas are) and the carbonation levels that accompany it are quite effervescent.  With each sip I take the jalapeno grows more confident as the flavor takes hold of my mouth.  The actual taste of jalapeno seems to be missing, but the heat you’d feel from one is certainly present.  I compare it to the burn of a ginger beer, but this heat lingers quite a bit longer. 

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Twist wants me to find a new background.  I can't say I disagree with him.

The further down the bottle I go the more the flavor tilts in favor of the jalapeno.  Our friendly, funny, fizzy strawberry friend waves goodbye as he walks back home.  Meanwhile jalapeno starts to show his true personality as if he was afraid to be himself around strawberry.  Perhaps he has a crush on strawberry’s sister and didn’t want any negative word to travel her way.  Sadly, like most cases he really just should have been himself the whole time.  That way we could have seen exactly how well strawberry and jalapeno worked with one another.

It’s clear to me that when they made this soda they really had to complete a balancing act to get them just right.  Too little strawberry and you’d just end up with a weird tasting soda that burns your mouth.  Too little jalapeno and you reach a point why you’re adding it at all.  I think the folks at Pure Sodaworks did an excellent job with the balance of this soda.  It’s sweet, light enough to be quite refreshing, and overall a very unique experience to be had in the soda world. 

~A

This soda supplied to us by Pure Sodaworks

JOIA Blackberry Pomegranate & Ginger

For the time being (and it will be a short time) I’ve run out of my own stuff to review.  Thankfully the folks at ThirstMonger have kept me well stocked with other beverages, namely Joia.  We’ve reviewed a Joia flavor before and at the time I was rather impressed with their flavor selection.  Today’s offering deserves the same praise as the flavor listed is Blackberry, Pomegranate and Ginger.  In case you’ve forgotten, Joia is an all-natural soda sweetened with pure cane sugar and erythritol which is a natural sweetener.  Blackberry, pomegranate, ginger, and elderflower are all listed as ingredients as well, so I’m feeling pretty good about what I’m about to consume.  The healthy cranberry red color is also quite pleasing to the eye.  Enough chittering, time to crack this bottle open.

The aroma that comes off the top is not unlike a rose.  There is a sweet, flowery smell, that if huffed a bit stronger deconstructs (There, I wrote it.  I wrote one of the “fanciest” review words there is.  I’ve been trying to avoid that word, but it just came out this time.  Dang it.  I’ve sold out to the English language) into the listed fruit flavors on the bottle.  Let’s see if this superb scent translates into a terrific taste.  Double alliteration.  You like that?

That is an incredibly pleasant experience.  Immediately I’m shown that the level of carbonation has been though out.  It’s just the right amount of tickle when compared to the viscosity of the beverage.  It ultimately stays out of the way, but occasionally cracks a joke form the corner just to let you know he’s there. 

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Even Twist can't break this c-c-combo

All three listed flavors have shown up for roll call and aren’t hiding toward the back of the group.  When I first take a sip the triple threat is at its strongest.  The blackberry and pomegranate stand tall upon my taste buds with a very noticeable ginger right behind them.  Pretend you’re playing “Red Rover” with fruit.  Blackberry and Pomegranate are on a team and they call out, “Red rover, red rover, let Ginger come over.”  Ginger releases whatever losers he was tied to and crashes into the arms of B.B. and Pommy.  That’s how Joia introduced this ginger flavor to my mouth.  You see him running up from the distance, gaining speed, like you’re about to be hit in the face with the burning sensation of ginger. 

Then right as he’s within spitting distance the arms of Blackberry and Pomegranate slow him down enough that they avert disaster.  Ginger may pull their arms back trying to break free, but B.B. and Pommy hold strong.  Take a mental picture of that.  Three “kids” playing this game and at this exact point having a great time either holding their friend back or trying to muster enough strength to power through.  All of them at this point in time are succeeding, the outcome is unknown, but the time had is excellent.  That’s what Joia Blackberry Pomegranate & Ginger soda is.  It’s a fantastic combination of fun, flavor, ingredients, and style.  This is a truly wonderful beverage.

~A

Flathead Lake Huckleberry

Huckleberry Finn is a literary classic.  My mother used to have a very old edition of said book and in junior high I took it to school with me and tossed it in the bottom of my locker.  It sat there, books piling upon it, tearing the spine off painfully slow.  I brought it home and my mother was understandably angry.  Well, at the time I didn’t understand because it was just a book.  You could buy Huckleberry Finn at the store for $5. 

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Twist could mess up the Flathead Lake mascot

This has nothing to do with the soda I’m about to drink, I just wanted to get that off my chest.  I still feel bad for ruining that book.  Flathead Lake Huckleberry (there’s the tie in) Soda probably isn’t going to be as good as the words Mark Twain penned.  If the taste equals his excellence in writing then I’ll shut down the website.  I seriously doubt that will happen though because Flathead Lake usually tastes off to me.  I like the story they tell, but the ending makes me not care if I hear it again.  There ingredients are an assortment of chemicals and it’s quite obvious when you take a sip.  Then again, I haven’t had their huckleberry.  For the record I’m YOUR huckleberry and I’m ready to review this.

A grape aroma surrounded by candy flies out of the bottle.  The scent is not solely grape, but that’s definitely the smell in charge.  The tart huckleberry taste can be felt within my nostrils as I take deeper and deeper whiffs.  Here’s hoping this above average smell isn’t a sugary mess in the taste department.

For having such a powerful aroma the taste is actually quite weak.  Flathead Lake Huckleberry is a watery grape soda with whispers of flavor from a similar fruit.  The carbonation is sharp and fizzy, but not enough to have me anxiously anticipating my next sip.  Even if this did have a more powerful taste I’m not sure it’d be enough to change the rating I’m already leaning towards.  It’s tasty enough, but even if you’re really into huckleberries I just don’t see this being your soda of choice.  The flavors are muted, confused, and seem thrown together for the sake of being “not just a grape soda”.  “This is huckleberry dang-it and people will notice us more because it’s not your standard flavor.”  This is true.  When I saw the flavor of this soda was huckleberry I became excited because it wasn’t a flavor I was used to.  I can count on one hand the number of huckleberry sodas I’ve had.  So Flathead Lake got me, but didn’t deliver on the flavor.  Add this to the fact that my mouth is coated with a thin layer of “huckleberry” syrup and it’s really not that enjoyable of an experience. 

No, it’s not a gross soda, but it’s not hard to make “not a gross soda”.  I’ve done it, but it’s nothing I’d bottle and sell.  Flathead Lake made one too, but instead of using huckleberry they used “artificial flavors” and called it a day.  Again, it’s not gross so I won’t tell you to beware.  It’s just so average.

~A

Rocket Fizz Shirley Temple

I didn’t even know what a Shirley Temple was before meeting my wife.  In case you’re in the same boat as 24 year old Aaron, a Shirley Temple is what you get when you combine grenadine with Sprite.  It’s like a cherry limeade, but with a lighter flavoring.  They’re quite tasty and I recommend trying one if you haven’t before.  Rocket Fizz apparently agrees with my recommendation and created a bottled version they so cleverly called Rocket Fizz Shirley Temple.  Like other Rocket Fizz products this one is sweetened with pure cane sugar.  I’m so happy they went with the “pure” cane sugar and didn’t scrape the bottom of the barrel for the “tainted” cane sugar that we so often see soda companies’ use.  *Sigh* It’s just cane sugar folks.

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Twist's expression is bewilderment 

Well, we’re not starting off on the best foot.  The aroma that wafts from the bottle reminds me quite a bit of nail polish remover.  Having never tried nail polish remover I can’t honestly tell you if it tastes like a Shirley Temple, but I’m going to go out on a limb and guess it doesn’t. (don’t drink nail polish remover, kids)  With that aroma now bouncing around my nostrils I suppose it’s time for me to give this bottle of Rocket Fizz Shirley Temple the ooooooooooold taste test.

This is not good, nor does it taste like a Shirley Temple.  Rocket Fizz Shirley Temple is a syrupy mess.  If children’s cold medicine had a cotton candy flavor it would taste like this.  The sweet, over the top flavor grabs onto my teeth and refuses to let go.  If there is a cherry sensation to be had it has mutated into some sort of quasi-cherry chemical mixture that my palate does not find to be very pleasant.  The carbonation level is light and fizzy, so at least that has been done well.  I was really expecting a completely different beverage here, but what I’m tasting makes it seem like this particular flavor was just thrown together in the hopes that it would taste good.  I’m honestly confused as to what happened because Rocket Fizz is usually pretty good about getting close to the flavor listed on the bottle.  Perhaps I’ll revisit this at another time to make sure I didn’t get a bad batch, but for now I can’t recommend trying this.

~A

Something Natural Black Cherry

I wanted to do a review today, but didn’t feel like drinking a sugary soda.  Thankfully a while back the guys at ThirstMonger sent me two flavors of Something Natural and I had only completed the review of one of them.  You may remember the last time I reviewed a beverage from Something Natural.  The flavor was strawberry peach and I was genuinely impressed with both their simplistic ingredient list and the way they used both sugar and stevia to sweeten.  Well today I have Something Natural Black Cherry and I truly believe this is going to hit the spot.

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Twist ate a bird once...once.

A stronger than expected black cherry scent is easily detected exiting this beautiful bottle.  Something Natural really does do an excellent job in the presentation department.  Everything is simple yet elegant, making just looking at the bottle a treat.  I am a little nervous about black cherry sparkling water though.  Black cherry is known for being a very robust flavor and so many flavors made into sparkling waters get muted or left behind in the process.  Hopefully Something Natural knows what they’re doing in this regard.

My fear was met somewhere in the middle.  The flavor of black cherry is easily identified, but at the cost of tasting somewhat diet.  It’s my opinion that the black cherry flavor should never be confused with a diet taste.  I don’t care if you’re soda is Diet Black Cherry, removing the cherries natural rich flavor is a crime against the fruit. 

Something Natural Black Cherry doesn’t taste poorly at all, but I really think their flavor selection could be better.  In the previous review of strawberry peach they had two flavors in their arsenal that translated well into the light fizzy world of sparkling water.  Everything else about this beverage is located on an elevated notch.  It’s not quite the top notch, but it’s getting there.  The carbonation is fun and inviting.  As I’ve stated before, the bottle is pleasant.  The ingredient list is to be envied… it’s just that the most important aspect doesn’t work for me.  I wonder how Something Natural Watermelon would taste.  I’ve looked over their flavors and the second heaviest one seems to be Raspberry Keylime.  While I can’t speak for the taste of it, I wouldn’t have the initial doubts about that flavor that I did toward Black Cherry.  It’s just too strong of a fruit, flavor, or idea to hinder.

 All in all though it’s not a terrible drink; I could easily finish the bottle and my rating will reflect that.  If I were you I’d just grab another of their flavors prior to this one.

~A

Filbert's Strawberry

As many of you know I’m not the biggest fan of strawberry soda.  Far too often it’s just a conglomeration of sugar, chemicals, and bubbles.  So when I pulled Filbert’s Strawberry soda out of my fridge I probably voiced an audible sigh.  While the rich red coloring and the barrel full of soda on the label are nice, I’m just not in the mood for another sugar filled strawberry soda.  I was hoping that the inclusion of pure sugar in the ingredients would make me a little happier about reviewing this, but Filbert’s is made with “sugar and/or corn sweetner”.  That’s “sweetner” without the “e”.  Other such ingredients in this self-proclaimed “Old Time Quality” soda are as follows:  Carbonated water, citric acid, artificial flavor & color, and of course sodium benzoate.  No matter how good this soda is, they’ve already hit one of my nerves.  Don’t say your beverage has an “Old Time Quality” when your ingredient list is that sad.  At least the bottle cap is nice.

A strawberry scent so sweet it could be cotton candy oozes carefully out of the mouth of the bottle.  I am happy that the scent wasn’t so powerful I could smell it from a distance.  Hopefully this means it’s not quite as sugary as I perceived it to be.

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Twist's middle name is Filbert.  No relation.

That is a rather odd strawberry soda.  Let me start off by saying that this isn’t a sugary mess.  Yes it’s sweet, but thankfully someone showed some restraint and pulled back what could have been Candyland.  Each sip doesn’t start off tasting like strawberry; in fact the first half of my sip doesn’t taste like much at all.  As soon as I agitate the liquid, either by swishing or swallowing, I’m welcomed with a smattering of strawberry that seems to identify a little bit with a strawberry-cream.  Even though there is a touch of cream flavoring in each gulp the end of my sips trail off into a chemical heap.  This artificial ending begins to even taste a little like a diet strawberry soda before turning into an unfortunate memory.

The fruit flavor of Filbert’s Strawberry is unmistakably recognized, but it’s not nearly as powerful as I thought it would be.  If they were to boost the flavor just a bit I think they could improve their product.  As it stands now, Filbert’s Strawberry is pleasantly different, but nothing I’d force people to drink. 

~A

Martian Poop Soda

Little ditty, ‘bout Alice and Diane.  Two nice women, buying sodas for this man.  I wish I could convert more lyrics of Mr. Cougar Mellencamp, but sadly that talent eludes me.  The two ladies in the single line that I did convert bought me the soda I’m about to consume, so thanks to them… I think. 

I’m about to drink Martian Poop.  Yup, that’s all there is to it.  I’m going to consume Martian Poop soda made by Rocket Fizz.  I’m almost happy to be drinking Martian Poop soda so that I’ll never have to write this article again.  This article in which I’ll have to type the words Martian Poop over and over again.  According to the label, Martians excrete a green substance that looks much like what would come out of a cartoon dog.  Thankfully the label also informs me (in tiny print) that this is a marionberry flavored soda.  Sadly, I have no idea what a marionberry is.  I know what a Marion Barry is, but not a marionberry.  TO THE INTERNET!  Ok, so the Marion is a type of blackberry, a blackberry with a very complex flavor at that.  So things may be looking up for this bottle of Martian Poop Soda, but I’m not holding my breath.

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ALL THE EASTER CANDY

As fragrant as you might think a bottle of Martian Poop Soda may be, the fruit aroma that should be there is very mild and my nose struggles at pulling a scent through the opening of the bottle.  Perhaps Martian Poop (I really should have a counter going at this point) really shines in the way it tastes.

Well that’s kind of fun, then way too sweet, then fun again, then overly sweet.  Martian Poop Soda has a burst of foamy fizz that really lights up my mouth.  Then I got a quick peak at a somewhat vague blackberry fruit flavor.  Almost immediately after that blackberry flavor appears it vanishes and Martian Poop gives off the flavor of ALL THE EASTER CANDY (excluding chocolate).  It’s not obnoxiously sweet, but it’s the equivalent of some kid “not touching you, I’m not touching you, I’m not touching you” obnoxious.  You’re just waiting for him to touch you so he can face your rage.  After ALL THE EASTER CANDY flavor subsides, you’re left with the last breath of the carbonation as it tries to convince you of the fun you had on this short journey.  Hard as it might try, the carbonation’s last wish is unfulfilled.  Martian Poop Soda is just too loaded with sugar and nonsense to really be a good soda.  Is it fun?  Yes, to a point.  Are some kids going to love the fact that they’re drinking something called Martian Poop?  Yes, of course they are.  Am I done writing the words “Martian Poop” for a very long time?  Yes, yes I am.

~A

Avery's Monster Mucus

There aren’t many words that gross me out when I hear/read them.  I’d put the over-under at about 10 total that I’ve come across.  Sadly one of those words is in the title of today’s beverage.  Avery’s Monster Mucus… ugggh.. is in front of me and my throat will convulse every time I type the word mucus.  A couple of nice ladies, Alice & Diane, are the reason this repulsive bottle of liquid is in front of me; I must thank them both.  There’s a Simpson-esque slime man on the bottle that I’m supposing we’re to believe is the creator of this beverage.  I mean he is a monster and I can only assume he’s secreting mucus, so I’m thinking the story goes that I’m about to drink him.  Thankfully there’s also a proper flavor listing of Strawberry/Blue Raspberry on the label as well.  Oh, and the label uses one of my favorite made up words “SODAsgusting”.  That’s fantastic and I really have nothing else to say about it.

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Twist is vomiting

The blue raspberry is clearly the boss around here as I can’t even tell that strawberry is in the mix due to the pungent aroma of the former.  With a second whiff I think I’m getting a touch of the tartness found in your friendly neighborhood strawberry.  Perhaps I should drink it to make further observations.

The first sip is a little underwhelming as both tastes seems to cancel each other out and create almost a non-taste.  Maybe my mouth just needs a few more sips to acclimate to this new environment.  As I work my way further down the bottle a noticeable blue raspberry taste shows up, but does not really impress me.  True to its weak scent the strawberry thought better than to appear today, letting the blue raspberry take the brunt of the criticism.  Each sip also brings the taste of grape to my lips as well.  This grape/raspberry flavoring coupled with the sharp carbonation creates a fairly average fruit flavored soda.  Yes it’s sweetened with cane sugar, but you always run the risk of having a very vague soda flavor when you start combining fruit.  It seems that’s what’s happened here with Avery’s Monster Mucus.  With such an “out-there” flavor name I was hoping for something that would be memorable.  Instead I got a flavor combination that while somewhat tasty will be forgotten in a matter of days.

~A