Capt'n Eli's Blueberry Pop

It’s back to the world of awesome bottle art with today’s soda review!  Earlier in this sites history we reviewed Capt’n Eli’s Root Beer and while the root beer itself was tasty the art on the bottle is still one of my favorite scenes.  With that said I’m very happy to see that Capt’n Eli’s Blueberry Pop has incredibly similar bottle art with the exception that young Capt’n Eli is surrounded by blueberries.  In fact even his root beer barrels have been replaced by heaping barrels of blueberries, so many that I fear for the buoyancy of his boat.  Now join me as I review one of my favorite flavors of soda made by a pretty darn good brand.  Put on your life jacket, give Murphy the Parrot a sip of your root beer, and shove off!

I can already tell that it’s going to be a good day sailing these waters with Eli.  The scent that floats out of the mouth of this bottle is unmistakably blueberry and why shouldn’t it be?  Blueberry juice is the third ingredient listed, right after water and cane sugar, so you know this is about to be a fantastic experience.  The aroma is deliciously sweet and not so much tart.  So here’s where I give up on typing any more words that might describe the fragrance so that I may now drink.

Blueberry soda is one of the biggest gifts starting this site ever gave me.  As TheSodaJerk.net historians know, and I have to believe they exist to feed my own hungry ego, I’m not keen on blueberry.  Blueberry never did it for me as a fruit, but as a soda… more please.  Honestly I’m not sure I’ve run into a legit blueberry soda that I didn’t like and Capt’n Eli’s Blueberry Pop is no exception either.  Upon my first sip my mouth is awash with blueberry tastes, almost to the point where I expect the skins to come floating to the top with each drink.  Nothing about the taste of this tastes artificial to me at all which should make sense since none of the ingredients are artificial.  Ferocious, tiny bubbles attack the back of my throat reminding me at this is indeed blueberry POP and not something of a safer nature.  Grape juice is also used in the making of Capt’n Eli’s Blueberry Pop and it is noticeable, but still takes a back seat to the blueberries as it should.  I can’t imagine someone titling something “Blueberry” but having grape be the main attraction.  It’d be like watching a Muppet special with a bunch of celebrity guests, but instead of Kermit hosting you get 90 minutes of Bronson Pinchot.  While amused you’d still feel slighted at the sight of this perfect stranger.  Do I care that the last analogy was forced?  Not really. 

Any who, while very tasty Capt’n Eli’s Blueberry Pop does have its weak points and they’re all at the end of your soda journey.  As I mentioned before the blueberry flavoring is fantastic, but its finish could be improved upon greatly.  The strength you experience at the beginning of each sip wilts away into sadness right before it descends into your stomach.  If the flavor could maintain throughout then this would be an all-around amazing soda.  Right after you experience this flavor funeral you’re greeted with a boring aftertaste as well.  Is it probable that the weak flavor preceding it is the cause?  Yes, I’d say so, but that’s just another reason to have a strong flavor throughout.  Even with these weak points Capt’n Eli’s Blueberry Pop is still something you should try, preferably before Murphy consumes it all.

~A

Faux Fact: A Parrot a day keeps Twist at bay

Jones Soda Lime

I tried to get my dog to pick out todays soda.  All I wanted him to do was sniff a bottle and that would be the one I reviewed.  Oddly enough he seemed much more interested in the thin mint cookie I was consuming and cared nothing for helping out the site.  Since I didn’t have the help of my canine friend I had to brave the choice myself… hopefully picking something satisfactory for you all to read.  In a perfect world the previous sentences written would be a build up to the flavor reveal which is Jones Soda Lime.  Because of the helpfulness of titling articles I’ve never been able to do a proper build up.  Ah well, I’m about to drink a lime soda and that is usually one of the things in life that makes me happy.  Currently my favorite lime soda is Jarritos Lime; let’s see if Jones can compete with the boys from across the border.

The scent my nostrils receive is more sweet than tart, so I’m wondering if this will be closer to Key Lime than plain old lime.  Jones Soda Lime even smells a bit creamy, another warning that this may not be the lime soda I’m looking for.  I can go about my business.  Move along.

Ok, so it’s not as smooth as I thought it might be, but it definitely leans towards key lime in terms of flavor.  The carbonation level is powerful and compact.  My throat feels like it has been exposed to a lime flavored sleet storm for a brief moment as the soda passes by.  The lime flavoring, while candy-esque, isn’t overly sweet making it more likely I’d consume Jones Soda Lime with a meal.    There’s also a good level of sour/tart in the works here.  There’s nothing that agitates me more than a weak lime soda.  Well, there are several things, probably hundreds, that agitate me more than weak lime soda, but I’m trying to really hammer this home.  With that said drinking Jones Soda Lime will give you a terrific balance in taste, mouth feel, and overall experience.  Is it better than Jarritos Lime?  Short answer, no.  Long answer, noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo, but I’ll definitely mention it from here on out every time I’m asked to give a commencement speech with the subject of lime sodas.  Honestly all of the commencement speeches I’ve been to could have been about lime sodas, I don’t remember a single word from any of them.

~A

Twist used to be lime flavored, now if you were to lick him you'd see through time.

Taylor's Tonics Cranberry Dream

For the last few Christmas’s my best friend Dustin has purchased a basket of sodas for me to review.  We don’t usually exchange gifts until middle to late January and I don’t usually start reviewing them until February.  I tell you this seemingly pointless information because I’m about to review several Christmas themed sodas and I didn’t want you to think that I was slow to the draw.  Today’s soda is Taylor’s Tonics Cranberry Dream.  We’ve reviewed Taylor’s Tonics before and they’re always both unique and powerful.  The flavors aren’t always my favorite, but I always appreciate the amount of effort they put into each one.  Seeing Cranberry Dream in my fridge I figured I’d be consuming a cranberry soda and nothing more.  Looking at the ingredients label I found that I couldn’t be further from the truth.  The ingredients are as follows:

Sparking Water (Infused with Wildcrafted Balsam Fir Needles, Ginger, & Allspice), Evaporated Cane Juice, Coconut Water, Cherry Juice, Cranberry Juice, Natural Douglas Fir & French Vanilla Flavors, Extract of Orange, and Citric Acid.

The usually talkative Twist was even at a loss for words.

I immediately notice two things after reading those ingredients.  The first is that there are an insane amount of flavors in what I thought was just cranberry soda.  The second thing I notice is that this is also flavored with CHRISTMAS TREES!  Honestly I have no idea how tree translates into soda, but I’m excited to find out.  Holding the bottle up to the light I glance at the peach colored soda and remove the festive green bottle cap.

The smell is fantastic.  It smells like a candle store during the holiday season.  The sweet aroma hits your nostrils with such a mixture of scents that you’re nose isn’t even sure where to start.  The ginger, allspice, and vanilla are the most discernible fragrances coming out of the bottle.  I do find it odd that I can’t even smell the titular berry, but honestly this smells so good I don’t even care.  I’m not sure how a scent this interesting will translate to taste… I guess we’ll find out together.

Good news everybody, it doesn’t taste like a tree.  Taylor’s Tonics Cranberry Dream has now surprised me in all three sections of this review.  At first taste the ginger and allspice hit my tongue for what I thought was going to be a harsh ride.  Wrong.  While the two spices made themselves at home on my palate they both gently went to sleep upon arriving.  The cranberry is noticeable, but again not tart in the slightest.  I’m guessing the cranberries are muted by the amount of vanilla in the beverage, which by the way works fantastically well in this soda.  The last few sips I’ve taken did have hints of tree and I must say that I liked it.  Picture yourself outside in the forest… the Piney Woods if you will.  The air is crisp and quiet, the only thing around you are pine trees and that one bird that you can’t quite identify.  After you come to the realization that you’re never going to figure out what kind of bird that is, disappointing your Ornithologist dad once again in the process, you take a deep breath.  The crisp air combined with the surrounding trees coats your mouth with a distinctive taste.  That taste is nature and it makes you feel alive.  That is what the tree taste of Taylor’s Tonics Cranberry Dream likens to.  Even though the orange extract is one of the last ingredients its flavor still reaches your mouth.  In fact I can taste every single ingredient on this label, like identifying instruments in an orchestra… you just have to sit down and really listen.  Well I’m listening and I love what I’m hearing.  Cranberry Dream is one of the most impressive sodas I’ve had since I’ve started this site.  If you see a bottle you should pick it up and listen to what it has to say.

~A

*One addition.  By the time I was finished writing this review I had only one gulp left in the bottle.  I posted the review and then took said gulp.  This gulp had a lot of sediment in it and was not pleasant.  I'm not changing the rating of the soda based on this, but if you do try it you might want to skip out on that last taste.*

A “Twist’s Choice” Recipient

Grand Teton Brewing Company - Black Cherry

I turned 30 yesterday and today I finish the line of sodas from Grand Teton Brewing Company.  I’m sure if I were a wiser man I could make witty comparisons about the two journeys and you would be tickled pink upon reading it.  Instead, on this day after my 30th birthday, I’ve hurt my back to the point of not wanting to be witty.  I just want to be grumpy, and old (which I know I’m not), and cantankerous.  So here is the final Grant Teton Brewing Company review… Black Cherry.  Overall I’ve been quite pleased with this line of beverages, saving black cherry for last because I know how potentially awesome it might be.  So join me won’t you?  As I toss my 20’s behind me and dive mouth first into a bottle of soda.

I mistakenly thought this might be black cherry cola, had my reading comprehension level been above that of a first grader then I could have clearly seen that the word “cola” is nowhere to be found on the label.  This, my friends, is just black cherry soda, and the aroma is so very rich and sweet that it reminds me of sno-cone syrup.  Sadly I have no crushed sno-esque ice to pour this on.  Grand Teton Black Cherry will have to be judged as it stands without the help of the sno-cone fairies.  By the way, if you ever seen a sno-cone fairy kill it as fast as possible, they’re terribly evil.  I’ve had a few run-ins with them… not good times.  They will CUT YOU!  Onward.

The most consistent thing I’ve noticed about Grand Teton sodas is their carbonation.  Grand Teton has the most unique carbonation levels, style, and mouth feel  that I’ve witnessed in any line of beverage.  In the case of black cherry I’m met with a raucous amount of fizz attacking all the nooks and crannies of my mouth.  It splashes against the back of my throat and delightfully stings like a cherry Icee.  The flavor, while just a bit overly syrupy, is very robust and well defined.  There is no doubt in my mind what this is at any point of the journey.  From opening the bottle to the last few drops you are slapped in the face with a very strong black cherry soda.  It tastes as if it has more sugar in it than listed on its label.  That’s not to say it has very little sugar, 39 grams, but to say that it seems like it should have closer to 50.  I like this… a lot.  This is the most in your face black cherry soda I’ve ever tasted, I guess they’re all “in my face” as I consume them, but you get the idea.  Grand Teton Black Cherry… drink it and love it!

~A

(This beverage was supplied to us by Grand Teton Brewing Company)

I literally had to wrestle this out of his hands... 4 hours.

Refreshe - Cherry Cola

It’s time to re-visit the Safeway brand “refreshe” in all its un-capitalized glory.  Today’s flavor of choice is refreshe Cherry Cola, which contains 0% juice.  You know how I know this?  Well it’s stated on the can silly, if that wasn’t printed on here I bet I’d be wondering all day if there was real cherry juice in here.  Sigh… I wish sarcasm had a font because I’d use the heck out of it.  How’s about we use Comic Sans as the official “Sarcasm Font”?   People would like it more if it were used for the benefit of sarcasm wouldn’t they?  I understand that some use Comic Sans ironically, but let’s take it back from the Hipsters and use it for the sarcastic!  Surely a large portion of Hipsters are sarcastic so the lash-back won’t be that great.  So yet another trend is decided on this site.  TheSodaJerks.net:  Setters of trends, and nothing more!  Wait… we also review sodas.  Speaking of… this refreshe Cherry Cola has a very mysterious ingredients list as Natural Flavors are listed alongside HFCS, Coloring agents, and acids.  Let’s just open it up and see what we get.

The scent test proves refreshe Cherry Cola to be more cola than cherry, which is perfectly understandable.  I can discern the cherry scent mind you, but it wasn’t the first thing my nose noticed.  Then again my allergies are kicked up today so there’s that.  DRINK ON!

The first sip is a major disappointment.  The cola taste immediately falls flat and the cherry gets crushed underneath it.  Swishing it around in my mouth I can feel the cola trying with all its might to intrigue me with bursts of carbonation.  “Like me! Like me!” it screams, but once you stop swishing… it quiets down to a whisper.  Every sip I take allows the flavor to build on itself which you might think would help its case.  No, Ma’am.  No, Sir.  While the flavor is becoming more pungent it’s just revealing how weak of a Cherry Cola this really is.  You can almost taste the chemicals, assuming they are since Natural Flavors are all we’re given.  Honestly I hope they are chemicals because if you use real deal ingredients and you make it taste this underwhelming then shame on you.  Fortunately the aftertaste vanishes fairly quickly but you’re left with the caustic feel of refreshe Cherry Cola on your teeth.  It’s holding on to my enamel for dear life, making my teeth more easily grind when I close my mouth.  That’s it.  I’m done.  I could finish this can, but I see no reason to do so.  This is one of the worst attempts at a Cherry Cola, something that should be a treat in any definition, which I have seen in a very long time.

~A

Twist doesn't even realize it's there... that's how flavorless it is.

Grand Teton Brewing Company - Mountain Berry

I’ve had a relatively rough day.  It’s been much more stressful than a lazy Sunday ever should be.  I wasn’t even sure I was going to do a review today, but since I flaked out last week and relied solely on the Carbo-Nation I figured I should post one.  Looking into my refrigerator I picked up the calmest named beverage I had on hand, Grand Teton Brewing Company – Mountain Berry.  The label is a serene purple and blue which pairs nicely with the dark pink soda.  Being as thirsty as I am I’m skimping on this first paragraph and drinking now.

My soda smells like a blueberry muffin.  This makes some sense because the listed berries on the front are huckleberry, blueberry, and blackberry.  Apparently the blueberry wins the aroma battle in that particular cage match; let’s find out if he wins the flavor battle royale.

I chugged a fairly large portion of the bottle wanting to quench my thirst.  Immediately I was greeted by the blueberry flavoring quickly followed by blackberry and what I assume is huckleberry.  I’ve never had a huckleberry before.  I’ve read Huckleberry Finn.  I’ve watched Huckleberry Hound.  Heck, I’m your Huckleberry, but I’ve never eaten one.  It’s probably about time I get around to that.  The carbonation is sharp, but dissipates quickly allowing for the robust flavor of the berries to emanate in your mouth.  Grant Teton Mountain Berry is a bit on the sweet side (but most berry sodas are actually sweeter), and your mouth is left with a syrupy feel, but overall I’m pleased with it.  It’s a different kind of berry soda that I would be happy consuming at most any occasion.  My apologies for the short review, but I do believe it’s time for a nap.

~A

(This beverage was supplied to us by Grand Teton Brewing Company)

The top of a dog house is the closest thing to a mountain for nearly 700 miles.

Zenify

With the holiday season wrapped up and all the orange soda consumed the stress level among the human population is now steadily declining.  If only there was some way to hurry up this stress relief, some sort of… soda.  Thanks to the fine folks at Zenify there just might be!  Zenify calls itself “the live stress free drink”, and says this no less than 4 times on each can.  This is apparently due to the active ingredient L-theanine which “increases serotonin and dopamine levels, promoting relaxation and concentration.”  This ingredient is followed up with the 2nd active ingredient Gaba which is “a natural calming agent that enhances relaxation and memory support.”  Something that amuses me about this “if the 90’s were still the future” can design is the fact that there are no capital letters in the primary design or explanation of the drink.  I was also told by the Zenify PR firm (this was given to us by them, btw) that it was sweetened with Stevia.  Now if you’ve read any review I’ve written about an only Stevia sweetened beverage you know I haven’t liked any of them.  Here’s the e-mail conversation that always happens between me and whoever is peddling the Stevia sweetened beverage.

Company X: Would you like to review this drink?  It’s sweetened with Stevia.

Totally Awesome Me:  Thanks!  I’d love to, but I’ve never liked a soda sweetened only with Stevia.

Company X: Yeah, me either, but ours is completely different and I actually like it.

T.A.M.:  Ok, can’t say I didn’t warn you.

Then I usually drink the beverage and dislike it, thus completing the Stevia cycle.  The folks at Zenify said that the citrus taste of Zenify should mask the terrible parts of the Stevia it’s sweetened with.  I think I’ve babbled long enough about it; it’s time to see if they’re correct.  Off we go!

I will say that Zenify smells a bit like grapefruit juice mixed with mango so they’re already off on the right foot with the old nose.  C’mon Zenify… wow me.

Thank you for not lying to me Zenify, the citrus flavor does indeed cover any terrible Stevia aftertaste that I might have experienced otherwise.  It’s light, fruity, and one of the more enjoyable “lifestyle beverages” I’ve had to date.  The primary taste to me is that of grapefruit, but I can’t seem to shake the mango off of my palate either.  I can’t tell if either of these fruits were used in making it because the ingredients list the ever vague “natural flavors”.  What I can do is tell you that this has a ridiculous amount of Vitamin C, B6, B12 and only 13 grams of sugar. 

Looking at the tiny print I noticed that Crystalline Fructose is also included in the ingredients.  According to Old Man Internet, Crystalline Fructose is 98% fructose and the rest are trace minerals and water.  It’s also apparently 20% sweeter than table sugar and 5% (not sure how you measure that) sweeter than HFCS.  However sweet it is I’m sure it’s helping cut into this Stevia aftertaste as well.  We once had a 50/50 drink sweetened with Stevia and Sugar and it was fantastic.  I really wish more companies would use Stevia like that instead of relying on it solely to sweeten their drink. 

Zenify isn’t a very sweet drink at all, relying more on the flavor of the fruit to carry the drink.  I don’t know if it’s due to the drink but I do feel more relaxed now that I’ve finished the can.  We don’t usually review the “affects” of a beverage, just the taste.  I’ll let you decide for yourselves if Zenify actually calms your body.  As for me, I’ll be drinking this again.

~A

(This beverage was supplied to us by Zenify)

Why is there an adorable monkey in this swag picture?  That's the kind of power Twist yields.

Chubby Orango Tango

As you may have noticed this year, primarily… well only from this site, the newest trend going on is that orange sodas now represent the feeling of winter.  Put it up there with crisp cool air, family, and ice skating.  Today’s festivities allow us to open another bottle of Chubby, this one with the interestingly named flavor of Orango Tango.  Today the mascot on the label, who I assume is named Chubby, just seems to be standing there smiling at me.  He’s a rather friendly looking fellow.  If you don’t feel like reading previous Chubby reviews I’ll give you a quick rundown.  Chubby is a drink from Mexico sweetened with sugar and tends to be very average in taste while being overly sweet.  Let’s find out if Orango Tango walks along this same path.

Chubby Orango Tango smells like a fun fizzy orange as the bubbles jump up to grab my nose.  Hopefully they’re welcoming me to the drinking experience and not trying to warn me of my impending doom.  That might be a Twilight Zone episode, but I’m going to chalk it up as an original idea.

Bleh.  Chubby Orango Tango has very little carbonation so I’m now in fear of whatever was jumping up at my nose making me think it was fun bubbles, or fubbles.  There is an orange taste thankfully, but it’s one masked in the shroud of cardboard as so many mediocre to bad orange sodas are.  When I say something tastes like cardboard I’m not using that as a blanket statement that it tastes badly.  This actually tastes of cardboard, like you licked a packing box of some sort.  The only thing Chubby Orango Tango has going for it is that the aftertaste reminds me of generic orange candy that you might find in a Piñata.  I can’t recommend this to anyone.  You could go to the store and pick up a Sunkist, chemicals and all, and it would taste much better than Chubby Orango Tango.  I’m going to throw an artistic fit now and claim that this soda has brought me such banal flavoring that I’m too distraught to continue this review.

~A

Twist is ashamed to be this close to mediocrity.

HEB Orange Burst

Video Review from Apr. 29, 2020. Written review (below) from Dec. 19, 2011.

Nothing says “It’s Winter” quite like an orange soda.  Actually several things purvey that it’s winter much better than an orange soda, but that doesn’t work very well as an introduction.  Who knows, maybe this review will inspire so many citizens of the Carbo-Nation that orange soda sales will skyrocket through the roof, setting a new trend in the Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanzaa/ Ramadan/Holiday market.  The soda I’ll be reviewing today is from Sarzec, that’s not the company that’s the name of the gentleman who gave it to me.  He handed me a bottle of HEB Orange Burst Soda and said “have at it!”  What he really said was “I left you an orange soda in the break room fridge”, but “have at it!” seems so much more adventurous and free.  HEB as you may remember from earlier reviews is a grocery store chain in Texas.  They have their own soda brand, as so many stores do, but theirs is of a higher grade using “Pure Cane Sugar” instead of our old nemesis HFCS.  With that said let us now dive into HEB Orange Burst Soda and winter simultaneously.

Sweet, sweet orange.  The aroma this gives off when inhaled is that of a juicy orange combined with a glass of Tang.  It’s not a 100% natural smell by any means, but it still got my mouth to salivate.  I guess it’s the anticipation of that first orange soda to signify that winter has arrived. 

HEB Orange Burst is a very gentle orange soda.  When you first take a sip the orange flavoring is fairly weak and has hints of tangerine.  You can obviously taste that it’s an orange soda, but the BURST is definitely missing at this point.  It’s a fairly smooth soda with the carbonation level being a few strong attacks of tiny bubbled magic... like the kind reindeer use to fly.  Only after you finish consuming your sip does the orange really go to work.  As soon as the swallowing process begins the carbonation kick in and tickles the back of your throat disappearing as quickly as they arrived… like elves.  Then your mouth is left with nothing for a brief moment before a fantastic orange aftertaste takes over.  The aftertaste reminds me of a candy I had when I was a kid, but I haven’t be able to remember the name of it as of yet.  Let me just tell you that it’s a wonderful note to end a soda experience on… like carolers on a snowy night.  HEB Orange Burst soda is tasty, but some might feel the weak intro hurts it.  As for me I enjoyed the experience and leave you by saying, “HEB Orange Burst to all, and to all a good night!”

~A

P.S.

There are a few things that I never got from Santa growing up that I’m going to go ahead and put on my list here at the bottom.  Some of these might be a bit dated, so bear with me.

Crossfire – (You’ll get caught up in the Crossfire, Crossfire, CROSSFIRE! YEAH! YEAH!)

Power Wheels Jeep – I’m a bit large for this now, so I’ll take the adult version

Super Mario Bros. 2 – America’s fake version, not Japan’s real version

Baseball cards – Only the valuable ones though, thanks.

Grubby – of Teddy Ruxpin fame

Boglins and Blurp Balls – I had both of these, but I lost ‘em.  Promise I’ll take better care of them this time!

Thanks!

Aaron

Merry Twistmas!

Fentimans Cherrytree Cola

Everyday I’m shuffin’… through the bottles in my fridge to figure out which one to review.  I wish one would just jump out at me.  LMFAO!  I can’t believe Old 52 sent us a bottle of Fentimans Cherrytree Cola!  For your information Fentimans Cherrytree Cola is a Fermented Botanical Cherry Drink with Ginger and Herbal Extracts.  That’s what the label says anyway.  This isn’t a level of fermentation though that would keep anyone of any age from purchasing it legally.  I’ve always liked the look of Fentimans bottles and the use of the Cherrytree Records logo (the two companies are linked by this drink) is a great addition.  It’s like the bottle is sexy and it knows it.  Fun fact from Wikipedia:  Cherrytree Records was founded by a Martin Kierszenbaum.  Funner fact from Wikipedia: Kierszenbaum (Kirs zen baum) is German for Cherry Tree.  This beverage in front of me is certainly a higher end soda as it uses cane sugar and ginger root as two of its ingredients.  Let’s see if it’s just as fun to drink as it is to look at.  Everybody just have a good time!

It’s not the strongest aroma you’ll smell, but a good whiff of Fentimans Cherrytree Cola will tell you they aren’t lying about the flavor.  The scent is more of a rich aroma than it is a pungent one.  I can tell there’s a lot going into the soda I’m about to upend into my mouth.  So come to my table, and take a sip.

Unique, I’ll give it that.  I don’t initially think of cherry cola when I’m drinking it which is odd.  The ginger is more overpowering than I thought it would be, but it doesn’t mask the cherry flavor to the point of vanishing.  This shares in the cherry flavoring better than Reed’s Cherry Ginger Brew and that was primarily a cherry beverage where this is a cherry cola.  This certainly tastes fermented a bit, and I’m not positive that’s working too well with the cola.  The cola base is very strong, but is held back by the constant reminder that you have two other flavors to deal with.  Fentimans Cherrytree Cola is like a dance battle in your mouth.  First you have Cola who steps up and reminds you why you joined this crowd of people to watch these random dancers.  He’s good, but not amazing, still worth your time though.  Then Fermented Cherry, or FC, jumps in and kicks Cola in the leg… breaking it.  You immediately don’t like him because he’s already a bit of a jerk (not the good kind), but you still watch in hopes that he’ll be entertaining.  Just as FC starts to grow on you his partner Ginger jumps in and makes the whole scene annoying.  She’s up in your face, screaming at you to “Take it to the Hole”, trying to get you to cheer more for her boy FC, but you’re just not having it.  All you really want is Cola to come back alone and dance or maybe just partner with FC.  Like many dance battles there’s just one too many players here for it to be completely enjoyable.  Remove one and you’d have either a smooth cherry cola, or a fun ginger cola.  Ok, I need to stop.  Hatin’ is bad.  I’m still going to suggest you buy a bottle as it’s a unique soda that I feel should be tried at least once, but I’m not promising it’ll be a night you won’t forget.  As for me… well I just kinda wish I had a Hot Dog.

~A (I work out)

Twist is NOT sorry for party rockin'

Howdy - Lemon Lime

Howdy!  Not hello, hi, how are you, ‘sup, or anything else.  I’ve greeted people this way for years now.  Heck I said it so much it was my nickname for a while.  Some might say it’s because I’m a Texan, but a lot of Texan’s don’t say “Howdy”.  I guess it sounds just a bit too country for them.  My grandfather used to say “Howdy Do”, which of course is short for “How do you do?”  I’ve always felt that “Howdy” sounded friendlier than other greetings and my time at Texas A&M proved that to me.  People would greet one another on campus with a friendly “Howdy” even if the recipient was a stranger.  So you see, whenever you label something with the word “Howdy” you’re already in my good graces.  Today’s soda, once again supplied to us by Old 52, is Howdy Lemon Lime.  From the research I’ve done I learned that Howdy Lemon Lime is the original 7up formula.  The bottle even says “The Taste that made Lemon Lime Famous”.  Frequent or observant readers of the site may remember that 7up is my favorite lemon-lime soda of the big 3.  So now we have a soda with one of my all-time favorite words that’s also the original formula for one of my favorite mainstream lemon lime sodas.  Howdy has been around since 1920 and of course is made with pure cane sugar.  Enough chatter, this green glass bottle is starting to sweat out of nervousness that I’m not going to drink it.

Howdy Lemon Lime has a strong citrusy aroma.  My nose can sense that this may be sourer than I originally thought.  The sweetness lilts in my nose after the sour has dissipated.  Congratulations Howdy, your scent has made me thirsty. 

There is certainly more lime in here than I bargained for and I love it.  So often when a soda is labeled with being flavored lemon-lime you get a generic citrus taste where each flavor can’t be discerned.  Howdy Lemon Lime breaks that mold and allows you to taste both the lemon and the lime individually.  I’m sure using lime juice and lime oil help this cause tremendously as it’s the lemon that’s usually too overpowering for its green brethren.  Carbonation wise it fizzes just enough to tickle the tonsils (or back of the throat if you’re tonsil free) on its way down.  Lime steps out first shocking your senses, making you wonder about lemon.  As lime drifts away lemon steps up and socks you in the face leaving you licking your lips tasting the sour fruit.  Howdy Lemon Lime both improves my mood and makes me sad.  I’m happy for all of the reasons listed above.  I’m saddened because this is what 7up could have been today.  With all that said color me pleased to have tasted Howdy Lemon Lime.

~A

Twist says "Howdy", do you?

Rocket Fizz - Green Apple Jalapeno

Oh hi, didn’t see you there!  This is Aaron… you know, the Soda Jerk.  Today I have the great fortune of drinking a soda from our old buddies at Old 52.  They aren’t called Old 52 because they’re our old buddies; life is just funny like that sometimes.  Any-doodle, Old 52 has sent us this delicious bottle of Rocket Fizz Green Apple Soda!  Mmmm MMMM!  Being our old buddies, Old 52 knows how much I love green apple soda, especially when it's sweetened with cane sugar.  This is apparently some sort of Mexican green apple soda because it has some sort of funny word after the flavor “Green Apple”.  The funny word printed on the bottle is Jalapeno.  Have you ever heard of anything so crazy?  I haven’t.  Crazy!  Any-scoot, I took German in High School like the good little Texan I am, so you and I can experience this crazy ride called Rocket Fizz Green Apple Jalapeno (tee hee, it still makes me giggle) together.  Bottoms up!

Yowza!  That certainly smells like our old friend Green Apple!  It’s like picking a green apple off the tree and slicing it open like a red delicious apple.  Something spooky is going on here though.  Every time I smell it the inside of my nose parts feel a little burning sensation.  Ah well, that must be the fresh mountain air that was used to grow these delicious green creatures.  Time for drinkin!

What the French, toast!   It seems our “old friends” at Old 52 have pulled the wool over our eyes!  Rocket Fizz Green Apple Jalapeno does have the delicious, delicious taste of fresh grown green apples, but after that it goes straight to heck… literally!  After I felt my thirst was quenched the back of my throat burst into flames causing enough pain to really cheese me off!  I guess this is what Jalapeno means in Spanish… trick soda!  As much as it hurts me I still go back to it so that I might enjoy the green apple flavoring they nailed down so well you’d swear it was glued.  RASPBERRIES, THAT STINGS!  Each flipping sip is followed up by the fires of Mordor, and just when I think I’m getting used to it the flames flare up once again making me regret my last decision.  I thought that the carbonation bubbles were also my old friends, but they don’t seem be on my side either.  The bubbles just kind of add more sizzle to the flame.  Is no one on my side?  Oh yeah, the green apple is!  One second while I go use the internet then double check my information on the encyclopedia, one can never be too safe, on what a Jalapeno is.

Well shoot me in the face with a sling shot of mud.  Did you know a Jalapeno is a pepper?  Now that I think about it every time they talked about them in the show Gargoyles they were in a rather “spicy” situation.  It just goes to show you that you can never doubt Goliath.  With that said who would ruin a perfectly good soda with a pepper… especially when you can’t even taste the pepper itself, just the heat.  I think if I were to make this soda again I’d probably add more jalapeno flavoring to it and not worry so much about the burn factor, but what do I know… I’m just a bear.

~A

You'll never find something more fiery than Twist.

Lemmy Sparkling Lemonade

I didn’t feel like thinking today so the soda I picked should make for a simple review.  Again we dip into the stash sent to us by Old 52 General Store.  From said stash I have pulled out Lemmy Sparkling Lemonade.  This should be easy, right?  Lemmy has been around since 1939, and judging by the art style their creepy lemon mascot has made that journey right along with them.  A couple of notes about the ingredients, it is noted that Lemmy is both made with cane sugar and real lemon juice.  So perhaps the drop of drool coming out of the creepy mascot lemon’s mouth is warranted.  I may make several more mentions of this creepy mascot, who I can only assume is Lemmy, but I’d still happily tote some merchandise with him on it.  The side of the bottle reads as such:  Since 1939 Lemmy is the original sparkling lemonade drink.  For the taste of fresh squeezed lemons, just say “Lemme have a Lemmy”.  Now that the bottle has told us what to expect flavor wise I think it’s time to find out if Lemmy is a liar.

Lemmy Sparkling Lemonade both looks and smells like lemonade.  That’s an insanely boring sentence, but it is what it is.  I will say that it’s a rather fresh burst of lemon that you get when you smell the bottle opening; hopefully the flavor is equally enjoyable.

They should call this “Shimmering Lemonade” instead of “Sparkling Lemonade” as the carbonation level is very low.  I’m not even sure most would realize this was carbonated at all if it didn’t say so on the bottle.  Only at the end of each swig do the carbonation bubbles make an appearance, lightly dancing on my molars.  The lemonade flavor is just that.  I wouldn’t say that this tastes like fresh squeezed lemons, as that would be much tarter than Lemmy tastes.  Then again I’ve never understood why any beverage would say that it tasted like fresh squeezed lemons… oranges maybe, but lemons?  You’d be drinking straight lemon juice, and that’d be pretty terrible after a while for most.  Thankfully Lemmy tastes like above average lemonade.  Lemmy’s tart to sweet ratio is right on the money, neither one outdoing the other.  Overall Lemmy gets the job done.  It’s nice to drink on a warm November day like today (82 degrees btw), or a cool November night like tonight (low of 48).  I like Lemmy more than I initially thought I would.  I wasn’t expecting lemonade of this quality, and even though the bubbles are few and far between they do just enough to set this apart from normal lemonade.  Way to go Lemmy!  Now stop looking at me like that.

~A

One guess where Lemmy got that pose.

Jic Jac - Blue Raspberry

Today’s drink is a vibrant blue color, and everyone knows that if it’s blue it MUST be raspberry flavored.  I’ve ranted about my hatred of blue raspberry before so for the sake of Old 52, who supplied us with this soda, I’ll refrain.  Jic Jac Blue Raspberry is the official name of the soda at hand, but according to the label all I need to do is “Just Say” Jic Jac.  It’s a nice simple slogan on an even easier logo.  It’s very retro looking and coupled with a fun name like Jic Jac it moves it into the top 5 for me… logo wise.  Of course Jic Jack Blue Raspberry is made with cane sugar, but what I didn’t expect to see in the ingredients was raspberry extracts.  It’s rare that I actually see the word “raspberry” on anything raspberry flavored anymore.  So maybe my initial judging was a bit too harsh.  Let’s find out, shall we?

Ok, so the smell makes me a little more excited as well.  The aroma alone from the drink portrays that it’s both sweet and sour.  It also tells me that what I’m about to taste is similar to raspberries.  I know, I know, a raspberry soda should smell like raspberries… sadly that is not the case most times.  Usually a raspberry soda smells more like random candies than raspberries.  While Jic Jac does smell of candy the raspberry smell is what first catches and holds onto your olfactory glands.  Taste time!

There’s the sour, and there’s… the… sweet.  The sweet took a little longer than I thought to reach my taste buds.  Jic Jac Blue Raspberry soda is fairly average.  Initially you’re greeted with candy raspberry flavoring touched with sour.  As you move the soda around in your mouth the sour intensifies up until it makes its way down your gullet.  After the soda leaves your mouth the sour sensation dissipates into sweetness, that while slight, reminds me of cotton candy.  My favorite part of this journey is when Jic Jac is residing upon your tongue getting more intense by the second.  It sits in there like an angry hive of bees, rasp-bee-ries if you will.  These rasp-bee-ries don’t like to be shaken, but who does?  With each swish of your mouth they begin to sting your tongue.  Fed up with having your tongue stung you swallow, only to have them scrape the back of your throat as they perish.  Such is the life of a rasp-bee-ry.  Only with a burp do the haunting spirits of the rasp-bee-ries get to give their final farewell.  Even though I just likened Jic Jac Blue Raspberry to having a mouth haunted with magical ghost bees I stick by my original assessment that it’s average.  Nothing about it blew me away, but I wouldn’t mind trying other Jic Jac flavors.  I could be biased due to the fact that we’re talking about a blue raspberry soda, then again I could be spot on.  I guess the only way you’ll know is if you… (see what I’m doing here)

~A

Twist always questions his own mortality when put next to something blue

Rocket Fizz - Banana Nut

I’m trying to alternate between “odd” and “normal” flavors of the sodas sent to me by Old 52.  Looking at what I have in stock I realized that I’m going to run out of the “normals” fairly soon.  Therefore today’s soda shall be placed in the “odd” category.  Rocket Fizz Banana Nut is what’s on the plate…erm… in the bottle today!  You may remember our first Rocket Fizz review, and it would make sense if you did since it was only three reviews ago.  Rocket Fizz uses cane sugar… oh sorry, PURE cane sugar, to sweeten and a variety of chemicals and natural flavors to flavor.  Rocket Fizz Banana Nut has an American beer like color, or something similar to mixing orange soda with lemonade.  I’m most interested in seeing if I can taste the nut in this banana nut soda.  For my 29 and younger readers here’s where you make a joke about nut soda… I know I have.

The smell is impressive.  The aroma reminds me of banana nut bread and the auto shop where I get my oil changed.  That’s not to say it smells like a garage just that my auto shop smells rather pleasant and more like banana nut bread than I originally thought.  I wish it smelled of warm banana nut bread, but I can see how that might be difficult to replicate with a cold beverage.  On with the tasting!

Rocket Fizz is really good at what they do.  They put out these flavors like S’more and Banana Nut which you wouldn’t think would work as a soda… yet they do.  This tastes like banana nut bread, and yes youthful readers I can really taste the nuts.  The carbonation level here is very strong as thousands of tiny bubbles explode on the surface of your tongue, screaming in the process as if they’re trying to get the most out of their fleeting lives before they die.  The aftertaste of Rocket Fizz Banana Nut is very similar to those orange foamy candy circus peanuts you might find in your stocking if you’re my step-mother.  She loves them so very much.  This means that the after taste hints a little of how paint smells, but nothing so terrible I wouldn’t recommend consuming this beverage.  Over all Rocket Fizz did a fantastic job replicating banana nut bread with the flavors of all three coming through in the perfect ratio.  Could I drink a bunch of these in a row?  No, but I would like to have multiple on hand.

~A

Twist first invented banana nut bread as a way to stave off the flu.

Johnnie Ryan - Cherry

Dipping into the Old 52 vault I find myself staring at a very red soda.  It’s called Johnnie Ryan, and the front of the bottle doesn’t even hint what flavor this might be.  Along with the words “Johnnie Ryan” adorning the neck I see that it’s a “Cane Sugar Soda” and a “Delicious Ryan Beverage”.  Heck even their slogan “First for Thirst” (written in fancy script) can be found, but no flavor.  Looking at the back of the bottle I once again see that I’m going to consume a Johnnie Ryan soda, this time their logo large enough to show you the cane and top hat that are synonymous with Johnnie Ryan I suppose.  This time the neck reads “’A Real Refresher’ Since 1935”.  It’s not until I look at the bottle cap that the words “Ryan Cherry” are able to solve my simple mystery.  Part of me likes the fact that the flavor is only on the bottle cap and part of me is annoyed.  I’m annoyed because I wanted to easily identify the flavor.  Is it red soda, cherry, cranberry, raspberry, punch… who knows?  I think I’m going to tip my hat, and cane, to the fact that the flavor is only on the bottle cap.  There’s something about this bottle of Johnnie Ryan soda that says “class”.  This is one of the classiest bottles I think I’ve ever put my hands one.  It has a great look to it that sets it apart from other bottled beverages.  Heck even the shape of the bottle is different enough to catch ones eye.  This isn’t an art lesson though, this is a soda review.  Now I’m burdened with the task of tasting this cherry soda.  Oh, how will I survive?

Johnnie Ryan Cherry soda greets you with a delightful cherry scent.  It’s light enough that I know this won’t be a paltry cherry drink jammed with chemicals until I can’t enjoy the other aspects it has.  It’s also heavy enough that I know I’m about to enjoy a terrific cherry soda… or so I think.

Wonderful.  Johnnie Ryan Cherry  Soda washes over your tongue with a great amount of cherry flavoring.  The amount of carbonation is perfect!  It seems to start off with fewer larger bubble and quickly dissipates into many tiny bubbles which tickle your palate with a wonderful sensation.  Jonnie Ryan Cherry has a thicker mouth feel during the aftertaste portion, but since the flavor sits so well I don’t think you’d mind it.  This compares to a good cherry candy with the sweetness level lowered just a skosh.  Jonnie Ryan is a tremendous dessert beverage, or I could even see it being consumed on a hot summer day in the shade of your favorite tree.  I never had a favorite tree growing up, in fact no one I knew did.  Did you ever read The Giving Tree?  That story made me mad the first time I ever read it and every time since.  ‘Thanks Tree for all this stuff you’ve given me.  I’ve given you nothing in return, unless you’re just super into mutilation.  For sticking with me for all these years I’m going to murder you and sit on your carcass.’  Sad.  Don’t get me wrong, I love Shel Silverstein.  I just never could get behind that story.  Where was I?  Oh yes!  Jonnie Ryan Cherry is a fantastic drink.  Its simple flavor made me happy.  It’s rare that a drink has the ability to improve my mood, but Jonnie Ryan did just that.

~A

Oddly enough Twist was actually the "First for Thirst" but was disqualified for using his powers.

Chubby Tutti Frutti

It seems like just last week when I first tried Chubby brand beverages.  Oh yeah, it was!  Today’s 250 ml. bottle is full of Tutti Frutti flavored Chubby brand soda.  I have higher hopes for the Tutti Frutti (already annoying to spell) flavor soda because it’s has a wider spectrum of what it should taste like than say blueberry.  The little chubby mascot on the front of the bottle is playing either tennis or racquetball.  I’m not sure if either have anything to do with Tutti Frutti, but I’ll still give it a shot.  Remember Chubby brand sodas use cane sugar for sweetening so we’re already starting off on the right foot.  Let’s proceed, shall we?

Mmmmm, that smells like delicious cherry, orange, strawberry, sweet, sugary goodness.  So in short, it smells like red kool-aid.  I’m literally salivating at the prospect of trying this beverage in front of me that could taste like red kool-aid.  Enough with the smells.

I feverishly chugged half the bottle down with the anticipation that it would be a carbonated red kool-aid soda.  While I wasn’t disappointed in the flavor it is not red kool-aid soda.  Chubby Tutti Frutti gives you the initial cherry/strawberry flavoring you’d expect with just a touch of carbonation.  While this is all fine and dandy like sour candy the finish is where this beverage falls short of what it could be.  The mid-taste to aftertaste portion of this particular type of Chubby tastes like a cherry cough drop.  It’s not sorta like a cherry cough drop, it doesn’t remind me of a cherry cough drop, it tastes exactly like a cherry cough drop (Halls to be exact) without the medicinal qualities.  So in short here’s what you get.  You get a red kool-aidesque slightly carbonated beverage that tastes like a cough drop 50% of the time you’re consuming it.  Is it terrible?  No, not at all, in fact I finished the bottle just fine.  Is it better than Chubby BlueBerry?  Yes, yes it is.  While Chubby Tutti Frutti might not be the best example of a fruit punch soda, it does have enough positive qualities to warrant its rating.

~A

Faux Fact: Twist founded Wimbledon

Chubby BlueBerry Blast

I’ve got a Chubby.  Now that the name of the drink has been said and the most obvious joke in my arsenal has been played, we can move on like the intellectual citizens we are.  Today’s drink was supplied to me by Double Abeyta and its full name is Chubby BlueBerry Blast Soda.  Chubby beverages apparently come in a short 8.45 Fl. Oz. (250 ml.) bottle adorned with a chubby cartoon character.  There is no “story of chubby”, or “facts about chubby”, or even a name for the chubby cartoon character… although I’m assuming his name is Chubby.  This is a product of Trinidad & Tobago so this is fortunately sweetened with sugar.  The rest of the ingredients are chemicals, but at least we can rely on good ol’ trust worthy sugar.  I’m a fan of blueberry soda so let’s move this review in the appropriate direction.

Chubby BlueBerry Blast smells like shampoo.  It’s a fruity smell, but it’s a shampooey smell as well.  If I use my imagination I can pretend to smell the scent of blueberry candy… this calms my thoughts.  On to the drink!

While it does taste a bit like a fruity shampoo might, I’m happy to announce that shampoo is not the dominating flavor.  This subtly carbonated beverage also tastes like chemicals flavored to resemble blueberries.  Herein lies the problem with Chubby BlueBerry Blast… it doesn’t taste like blueberries at all.  This tastes like a hodgepodge of blue candies blended together with little care what the end result was.  I’m also sad(?) to say that the more I drink it the more this does indeed taste like I’m drinking shampoo.   Maybe if Chubby BlueBerry Blast was marketed as a drinkable shampoo I’d give it more “props” as the kids say.  Who am I kidding the kids don’t say that anymore, nor am I old enough to use the phrase “as the kids say”.  With its impossible to ignore soapy flavor I wonder what would happen if I combined Chubby with bland boringness of Neurogasm.  Someone with a lower brow than I can write that joke… I’ll just sit back and laugh at it.

~A

Twist used to have hair until he willed it away.

Neurogasm

While in a scholarly bookstore looking for wares so that I might promote my alma mater, I stumbled upon a section of sodas whose flavors all started with the word “Neuro”.  Quickly looking over them I picked up the most humorously named for review purposes and went on my way.  That particular bottle was called Neurogasm.  Neurogasm comes in a maroon lava lamp shaped bottle with all sorts of words and phrases on it that inform you what you’re about to experience with this particular flavor of Neuro.  According to the bottle Neurogasm has “passion in every bottle”, “only 35 calories”, and a warning not to give it to anyone under the age of 12.  We’re not to the amusing stuff yet though.  The back of the bottle reads as follows.

Neurogasm

-          Supports healthy circulation

-          Helps support the pleasure response

-          Provides playful energy

-          Promotes healthy aging.

 The word Neurogasm means different things to different people and it all leads to something great… gasm.  Neurogasm provides nutrients including L-citrulline to support health blood flow and circulation offering you the opportunity for more enjoyment.  Whether it’s day or night or even later at night who would want that?

Ok… so there you have it.  Basically I just bought a sex drink out of a college bookstore, but it has Neuro in the title so it’s not trashy.  Oh no, if anything it’s a “smart choice”.  Of course I’ll be reviewing this on taste alone unless you want to start paying $9.99 a month for this site.  I’m a bit worried that I’ll have a similar experience to Mike when he reviewed Extenze Soda.  Let’s cautiously begin this review.

After removing the oddly shaped plastic lid I’m greeted with a mixture of odd fruit flavors.  It almost smells like a blueberry pomegranate V8 fusion… which I enjoy, but something is off about the smell of Neurogasm.  The sentence “something is off about the smell of Neurogasm” is going to make me laugh every time I read it.  Moving on.  I’m worried that I’m about to dive into a mixture of energy drink (due to the ridiculous amounts of B vitamins) and vegetable juice (due to the fact that they use vegetable juice).  A vegetable/fruit juice energy drink sounds like a good idea, but let’s take a sip and find out if Neurogasm (must I keep typing that) is worth its weight in anything.

No, no it’s not.  Neurogasm has a lot less flavor than I expected.  Want to make some Neurogasm at home without all the blood circulation side effects?  Grab a can of V8 fusion and mix it with some almost flat seltzer water.  Ta da!  You now have a Neurogasm without all that gasm getting in your way.  This is a lightly carbonated soda with hints of flavor dancing around a very neutral base.  Yes you can taste the fruit juice.  Yes you can taste the vegetable juice.  Yes it’s a drinkable concoction, but as far as flavored-non-alcoholic-carbonated-beverages go… meh.  I’m sorry for what I’m about to say, please forgive me for any unintentional puns.  When I saw the words Neurogasm on the side of a bottle I expected an explosion of flavor.  You don’t make a drink with a provocative name and then give it a weak flavor, shame on you Neuro for teasing us with promises of “passion in every bottle”.  PASSION IN EVERY BOTTLE!  What about that sentence would you associate with a poorly flavored soda that doesn’t start off or finish strong?  So much of what is written on this bottle makes you think of the pleasure you’re going to enjoy while drinking it, and the pleasure of whatever may happen afterwards.  To use a baseball analogy, if I’m about to get to first base and I get shot in the leg along the way, do I really care that I made it to first base?  Sure a triple would make me forget a little more about what just happened, and maybe a home run would make me not care at all, but I don’t see anyone who uses a drink called Neurogasm getting past first in even their best attempts.

~A

Twist has more passion in his soulless eyes.

Big Shot - Pineapple Blue Bayou

I just finished serving on a jury.  This is why the reviews haven’t been happening quite as often, there I’ve made my excuse.  While most would think that Jury Duty might be a miserable experience mine was quite the opposite.  I was fortunate enough to spend time with 11 other people who I would consider genuinely great people.  Yes I only spent 4 days with them, but I was impressed by them all… especially the one that gave me the soda I’m reviewing today.  “Juror Number Cool” is what I’ll call her and I must thank her now for giving me this bottle of soda called Big Shot.  The full name of this particular flavor is Big Shot – Pineapple Blue Bayou, so we might be in for some surprise. 

Big Shot is apparently a popular brand in New Orleans, Nawlins, The Big Easy, Crescent City, The City that Care Forgot, Hollywood South, and many other nicknames I didn’t see looking at Wikipedia.  It appears, after doing a bit of research, that their slogan is “Even if you don’t have a million bucks, let’em know you’re a big shot!”  Saddly this is not on the label.  To offset this sadness is the face of Big Shot… insert name here if he actually had one.  The face of Big Shot looks like a combination of W.C. Fields and Charlie Chaplin.  I immediately want merchandise with The Face of Big Shot on it.  Along with said face and name of drink are the flavors of Pineapple Blue Bayou.  I’m about to consume this blue liquid that is the flavor combination of oranges, pineapple, and coconut.  I’m not going to bother listing the ingredients for you as it’s just a bunch of chemicals.  With that said I think I’ve given a somewhat flushed out description of the 24oz bottle at hand.  If my description confused you… well then just look at the picture below, silly goose.  On with the review!

This impossibly blue liquid smells like a combo of fruit stripe gum and orange cream soda.  I’m now happily anticipating my first drink and happy that all the chemicals they put in this bottle didn’t just singe all three of my chest hairs.  On with the fun.

Big Shot – Pineapple Blue Bayou is certainly an assortment of flavors.  The first thing I taste is what seems to be a glimpse into the flavor of orange; this is followed by the sweet tang of pineapple with coconut being your eventual aftertaste.  The coconut flavor hits your palate so very late in the game that if you were to drink this and not write sentences in between each swig I’m not sure you’d get to experience it.  Coconut is the guy in the race that crosses the finish line after everyone else.  No one is looking for him except his parents, and they’re even averting their eyes somewhat due to his failure at running.  All of these flavors are held together with sweet, sweet, chemicals.  Ok, I’ve made mention of the chemicals three or four times now.  I’m going to redeem this bottle of Big Shot just a smidge by telling you two of the non-chemical ingredients.  Orange juice concentrate, and pineapple juice… there I said it.  While Big Shot – Pineapple Blue Bayou is exactly what your grandparents are referring to when they use the term “sugar water”, it’s not completely full of chemicals.  While I enjoyed this bottle of BS-PBB (I got tired of typing the full name out so I wrote this even longer sentence explaining the abbreviation, thus making it pointless) it’s not a flavor I have to have.  If I was on my way somewhere, NOLA maybe, and I stopped at a gas station… sure I’d pick up a bottle for the road.  I’m not going to stock my fridge with it though.  That doesn’t mean I’m giving up on the Big Shot line, in fact I’m going to make it a point to try all of their flavors.  Thanks Juror Number Cool!

~A

Faux Fact:  Twist was once a Deputy in New Orleans.